I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
This picture was taken on Saturday afternoon at the Anaheim Stadium Amtrak Station as TCB and I waited in the heat for the engineer to figure out how to fix the power outage on our train. Do I look hot and grouchy???
Thursday afternoon. I'll be starting my weekend in another 56 minutes and that thought pleases me greatly. I've got to pick up Alcott's younger brother and then jet over to his (Alcott's) first real Varsity basketball game. I'm wearing a long sleeved shirt today in the heat of southern California summer just because it's the only thing I own that is the color of his team's jerseys. (Yes, I am that woman you remember from high school whose daughter was totally embarrassed to be seen with her.)
Tomorrow morning starts bright and early with Alcott's sister's promotion ceremony (junior high school term for Graduation) followed by (hopefully) an hour at the salon for an updo then zooming to Oceanside to meet up with my honey bunny, TCB, so that we can get to the Navy Corpsmen Ball. I still do not know which shoes I will be wearing. Or purse I will be carrying. Or jewelry I will be wearing. And I didn't get a manicure or pedicure (note to self: no open toed shoes!). And I think I might need to get a "suck it all in" body slip before then, too.
I wonder why my boss worries that I'm going to stress myself out with my day off tomorrow???
Tuesday night. I have several post topics marinating in my brain, but I don't think any of them are enough on their own - and I'm lazy! - so here they are, in no particular order.
* I served Jury Duty today. I wasn't picked to even to go a courtroom. Why??? On the good side, though I did get through a book I've been trying to read for months. (Really excellent read!)
* My "score" in the game of trying to get my eating and activity back into the realm of Healthy? Not good. I shall have to ask Gloria, my weight loss coach, what I am supposed to do when the anxiety about how little there is to eat in my meals. A bowl of cereal with skim milk? No fruit??? In a fit of scientific zeal, I tried eating every morsel of what was intended for an entire day in one sitting and didn't get full. OK, I know I can't make feeling full my goal in this thing (although that's what I want and what I crave), but seriously? Not full after eating everything? Is it any wonder that I get uncontrollably anxious and antsy when I think about food? And that I have no desire to burn any of the precious calories I consume? I've stuck to the "plan" just one day out of five. And I repeat, this is not good.
* I hate having TCB so far away. It's not as though I see him during the week anyway, but just knowing that I can't is making me (more) crazy. And I hate how terrible we are on the phone. I feel like such an idiot as I'm blabbing away just because I miss him and when I tell him that he doesn't react because I'm being an emotional girl person and he doesn't "do" that. (He comes home tomorrow but I won't see him until Friday night when we are headed to a military ball. No stress there.)
* What is wrong with a world where five wonderful, beautiful, talented children are not living at home, together, with parents who support and nurture them? I was driving Alcott, his older brother, and one of his younger brothers home from a family-type event on Saturday and it just hit me squarely between the eyes how messed up things can be. They were all sleeping gently, one clutching some candy, one listening to his new Chili Peppers CD, and one just resting with warm sunshine on his face: Who would not give their lives to have this moment be theirs everyday??? To see their smiles, to hear their laughter, to know their love?
There are some answers I think I'm better off not knowing.
