Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Pondering the imponderable

Tuesday night. I have several post topics marinating in my brain, but I don't think any of them are enough on their own - and I'm lazy! - so here they are, in no particular order.

* I served Jury Duty today. I wasn't picked to even to go a courtroom. Why??? On the good side, though I did get through a book I've been trying to read for months. (Really excellent read!)

* My "score" in the game of trying to get my eating and activity back into the realm of Healthy? Not good. I shall have to ask Gloria, my weight loss coach, what I am supposed to do when the anxiety about how little there is to eat in my meals. A bowl of cereal with skim milk? No fruit??? In a fit of scientific zeal, I tried eating every morsel of what was intended for an entire day in one sitting and didn't get full. OK, I know I can't make feeling full my goal in this thing (although that's what I want and what I crave), but seriously? Not full after eating everything? Is it any wonder that I get uncontrollably anxious and antsy when I think about food? And that I have no desire to burn any of the precious calories I consume? I've stuck to the "plan" just one day out of five. And I repeat, this is not good.

* I hate having TCB so far away. It's not as though I see him during the week anyway, but just knowing that I can't is making me (more) crazy. And I hate how terrible we are on the phone. I feel like such an idiot as I'm blabbing away just because I miss him and when I tell him that he doesn't react because I'm being an emotional girl person and he doesn't "do" that. (He comes home tomorrow but I won't see him until Friday night when we are headed to a military ball. No stress there.)

* What is wrong with a world where five wonderful, beautiful, talented children are not living at home, together, with parents who support and nurture them? I was driving Alcott, his older brother, and one of his younger brothers home from a family-type event on Saturday and it just hit me squarely between the eyes how messed up things can be. They were all sleeping gently, one clutching some candy, one listening to his new Chili Peppers CD, and one just resting with warm sunshine on his face: Who would not give their lives to have this moment be theirs everyday??? To see their smiles, to hear their laughter, to know their love?

There are some answers I think I'm better off not knowing.

2 comments:

Becky said...

If a whole days worth of food in one sitting does not make you feel full, then there's a problem. Also, if you've only stuck to the plan 1 out of 5 days, then it's the wrong plan for you. This does not sound like something a normal human being can sustain and I'm pretty sure that's the goal of most diets/life changes. Just my 2 cents.

BTW, I've only commented once, but I'm a daily skulker. Thanks for being so honest. It really helps to know someone else is struggling with some of the same things.

becky

Jules said...

Are you able to round out your prepared meals with some free foods (e.g. nonstarchy vegetables, acceptable fruits, air popped popcorn, clear soups?) Maybe adding in some of your own food choices would help with satiety and make the transition easier if/when you decide to move away from the delivered meals.