I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Thursday morning. Although I can't articulate what it is that I need from TCB on this little journey to better health, I know that I need his help. I also know that it will be an awkward conversation and that I will blunder through it and miss things and blather on in my nervousness and, if I am not careful, lose my entire message in my discomfort and misery. Perhaps I should write it all down and then send it to him in an email? Do you think that would be too, um, weird? I fear that it will not happen at all otherwise and I don't think I can ultimately get back on track without his understanding what I'm doing, why, and how, and what that means to him. Perhaps if I laid it out in the form of a written proposal? He gets lots of those through work and I'm pretty sure he'll know how to respond (I cannot say the same for my garbled attempts to explain in person).
Maybe if I give him a copy of the written proposal and then read it to him while I explain why I need what I need? Will someone please tell me this is OK???
...he coaches two youth soccer teams even though he has no kids of his own ...he loves to cuddle with his/our kitties ...he loves his mom and sister and nephews, unapologetically ...he will yell at anyone trying to park in a handicapped parking spot who doesn't have the plaque, sticker, or license plate allowing them to do so ...he sometimes call to check on me for no reason ...he likes me as I am and wants me to lose weight solely because of my health and my own desire to do so ...I've got him addicted to Gray's Anatomy now, too ...he loves the Raiders ...he has nearly as many pairs of shoes as I do ...he puts up with all of my emotional baggage without complaining about how much it weighs ...he has the cutest butt ever (seriously) ...sometimes, when he cooks, he puts the cats' fishing pole with feathers attached toy in his back pocket so that they can continue to play while he gets dinner ready ...he makes me feel safe and empowered all at the same time ...he makes up his own words to popular songs and then sings them fearlessly and without shame.
Monday morning. Let me start off by saying "Thank You" to anyone who's serving, who has served in the past, or who's lost someone they love serving our country in one of the five military branches. I cannot express adequately my gratitude for the fact that you're willing to risk your life for my security and freedom. Today and always, I am proud of each of you.
So, I've been thinking a lot about weight loss and fitness: how I've been successful in the past and how I can get that success back again. (How I can get it back again without losing TCB, Alcott, or the Junior League, to be more specific.) Anyway, what I'm currently thinking about is that I'm fighting really hard to be more (mentally and emotionally) healthy, more moderate in the losing this time around. No "all or nothing" for me, not this time. And yet. And yet, that's how I've been successful. All out, all in, pedal to the floor, damn the torpedos. And it works. It works really well. Every day that I stay out of shape and fat is another day closer to a really nasty death due to diabetic complications. I need to get this show on the road and get things (mostly my body) moving again. How can I get the single-minded focus on eating right and moving consistently while still maintaining relationships and responsibilities? I'm not exactly sure, but I know it's not going to happen if I just wish for it.
I did two 30 minute video hikes on 1fit.com last night. I'm not sore this morning and I'm planning to do two more as soon as I'm done here. If I can get the food mojo working and keep the walking going...maybe this can work. Maybe I just need to take three weeks (that's how long it takes to make a new habit) off from work to focus solely on me? I could do short (4 hour) shifts with Alcott and the other kids, just once a week, and explain to TCB that I need the time to myself to get back on track. My Junior League stuff doesn't really fire up again until late June, so this could (theoretically) work. I've been saying that I need a vacation, so maybe this is two birds with one stone? Let me think on this a while.
