I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Hohoho, to the recycling center and dry cleaners I go!
Friday morning. I was up early and felt wonderful upon waking. I can't wait to put things right in my (disordered) little corner of the world. I checked to make sure that the recycling center and dry cleaners are open this morning and I'm ready to go. I want to enter 2005 next weekend with nothing but happy, healthy thoughts and a house to match, so this weekend is about doing what needs to be done and, of course, celebrating a miracle birth over 2000 years ago. Gosh, can you imagine having people celebrate your birthday for 2000 years? Me neither.
Wednesday afternoon. I think that it's time to clean up some junk that's just cluttering things up around here.
I refer primarily to my humble abode, which is such a disaster that I fear I may come home to find the cats have run away to protest conditions. I need to do laundry, clean up the accumulation of holiday-related stuff that is crowding every nook and cranny, go to the recycling center, and just do a general deep clean. I also need to go out on the balcony and toss the plants which are beyond help while cleaning up those that are still able to be saved. (Yes, I know, I'm a terrible plant mommy!)
Beyond the state of my housekeeping (or lack thereof), however, there is also the need to rid myself of the useless or that which doesn't contribute in a positive way to my life. There are commitments of my time which I've clung to out of a sense of duty or because I just don't have the strength to say "no". There are also possessions which have long since finished their useful life with me but which are still lurking because I hate getting rid of things (I'm sentimental that way). Still others that fall into this category are living beings - people I've met either online or in real life - that not only aren't adding anything to my life but are, in fact, through selfishness or some other less-than-charming traits, making me feel poopy about myself. Guess what? I no longer need them so I'm hereby setting them free to be happy in the world somewhere that I am not. Bless them for their wonderful qualities and take them far away from me.
Wednesday evening. You know, it's really tragic how little holiday spirit I have this year. Work is just crushing me right now and I can't wait for the next few weeks to pass so that it will settle back down. I'm also really stressing out about Alcott (my CASA kid) and all of the things I'm supposed to do immediately after I'm assigned that I haven't even started yet. Things like going to the social worker's office to read the entire file, meeting with his teacher, therapist, medical doctor, dentist, the group home administrator, his parents (separately, of course), and - oh, yes - Alcott himself! Argh. I feel completely useless right now and I just hate that feeling. Perhaps I should have waited to be assigned until after the holidays, but I just didn't want to leave him all alone and wondering if he'd ever be assigned a CASA.
Three days off. In a row. Without any obligations of any kind. Heaven.
Tuesday afternoon. If I don't get a decent night's sleep soon, things are going to get ugly. I have no idea why I'm not sleeping well, but I'm definitely not. It's not that I'm not falling asleep early enough or am getting up too early, it's just that I don't feel refreshed in the morning and I'm exhausted by the time I get home at night. Blech!
On to more important subjects, today is a potluck day here in our department and it's been very yummy so far. I have eaten more than I normally would during the day, but I haven't made myself sick, and that's real progress, so I'm pleased. Tomorrow is a catered Chinese feast which I think I will skip entirely because it's just salt and fat and I will want to eat all of it.
I have so many things yet to do for the holidays and so little time remaining. Some things are just going to be put off until after the holidays (cards, for instance) and some will just not happen at all, and it will all turn out just fine, regardless. I don't have to be perfect or even close in order to be happy. I'm learning (slowly) that it's about prioritization.
Sunday morning. I know that you're all simply dying to know which of the many outfits at my disposal I chose for last night's VLSCI holiday gathering, so, without further ado, I give you...
The entire outfit
and
a close up of my face, hair, and jewelry.
Yes, I went for the red dress. In the end, it came down to the fact that I don't want to hide and be ashamed anymore and, everytime I turned from the red dress to another choice, it was with the thought that people wouldn't notice the stomach in it. So, to challenge myself a little, I went for the red dress. I will confess, however, that I ended up wearing the lovely black, crepe coat I had thrown on for warmth and confidence, for most of the evening. There was very little time when the very tight red dress was on full display just because I'm not quite confident enough yet to show the still fat stomach in public with pride, but it was still there and still visible. Other than that, though, I really wish I'd skipped the party altogether. The food was passable (although I ate too much because I was starved by the time they started serving), the decorations were lovely, and it was nice to see friends, but it just made me feel like a sad little loser being there on my own, especially when everyone went off to stand in line or dance or whatever, as I was frequently left at the table by myself. I don't think I'll bother going next year - not worth the calories!
While I'm posting pictures, I don't think I ever posted anything from my Voices for Children graduation, so let me remedy that right now. Can you tell how excited I was?
