I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Friday afternoon/evening. Hello, all you wonderful blogospherians! I am so completely ecstatic about today being Friday that I cannot express it adequately. I simply can't.
What I can say, however, is that today is one of those days when eating healthy sucks. After an all hands for our business unit ("BU"), we adjourned to the patio for a massive feast of (what looked like) delicious finger foods and champagne along with our normal Friday social hour acoutrements (sp?) - beer, wine, and sodas. What did your intrepid blogger have?
Did I have: a. A little bit of everything, just to make sure it was all as good as it looked b. Just the desserts because, well, it's the whole "bang for your buck" principle c. Two words: Champagne, baby! d. All of the above
Ha - trick question! The answer is "e" - none of the above. Yes, that's right, I didn't have anything. Not champagne. Not the mashed potato bar. Not the nachos and quesadillas. Nothing. I drank water and, later, grabbed three carrot sticks, a few pieces of celery, and a cherry tomato from the veggie stand. All of that strength of character and I still look like this? There is just no justice in the world.
Thursday night. OK, it's October 1st on the East Coast, so I just went ahead and did my monthly weigh-in and measurements tonight and, only for the truly brave, I've also added a little something special to my before and after page. (Seriously, do not view the picture page unless you're comfortable with a lot of fat. A. Lot.) So, the unfortunate news is that I only lost 1/2" around my waist and not a thing from my abdomen (aka The Great, White Ball of Fat). I also only lost five pounds. In an entire month. Well, I could have gained, so I'll take that. I'll also, most definitely, take the 4% drop in my body fat! Someone, one day, really needs to explain how I can lose body fat and not lose any fat from my body. I really think "body fat percentage" must be misnamed or something.
I can't believe I just put a picture of the hugest stomach in the entire world on the Internet. I suppose it will be lovely to look at one day when I'm svelte and beaming with good health. Right now, it just makes me wonder what I've been doing for the last few months and - HORROR! - what must I have looked like before I lost the 31 pounds? Doesn't bear thinking about.
Thursday morning. My funk, or whatever you want to call it, does seem to have lifted since my "snap out of it" posting on Tuesday, which is welcome because work has kicked into Stress Level 18 and I don't think I could handle that plus Crank Factor 10 all at once.
Am I the only one that worries that I'll never be able to get it all right? That there is a force in the universe that decrees something - sometimes more than one something - must be misaligned in your life at all times and that, once I get a grip on my health, something else is going to go seriously wonky? Of course, it's probably very likely that I'm the only one that actually strives for perfection in everything and then beats myself to a pulp when I don't meet my (impossibly high) standards. I can't remember who it was that made the comment, "you'd never talk to one of us the way that you talk to yourself, Denise," which, in all seriousness, is very true. I'm brutal when it comes to the way I think and talk about myself and completely opposite of that about others.
I need to acknowledge that: * I'm not a bad person. Some days, I'm actually a pretty good person
* I'm trying. Really, really trying. I might slip occasionally, but, more often than not, I'm changing my life. Real, significant changes. Changes that will revolutionize the way I live my life (to steal from the VLSCI mission statement). There are not many people who will ever be able to make the commitment to change and actually follow through to see that it happens, but I am
Tuesday evening. Well, it's not TTOM or even TWBTTOM, but something's got me all introspective and mopey and I'm fed up with it! Yes, this whole being healthy thing is a lot of work and no, it's not easy but is it worth the discomfort? Heck, yes! If I don't do this, will I die prematurely and in terrible pain? Without a doubt. This isn't optional, Denise, and it's time you got used to that fact and stopped whining, complaining, and trying to burrow your way out. This is your life. Forever. This is what eating is going to look like forever. You will never be able to live a disgustingly sedentary lifestyle again. Never. Get over it and get ready for the exciting, active life you're going to have once you've got some more weight off. Heck, look at the changes you've already made. You've got an interview on Thursday evening with Voices for Children in hopes of becoming an advocate for a child in crisis - you would never have done that a year ago or even six months ago. You are signed up to do the City to the Sea 5K as part of a birthday celebration trip to San Luis Obispo, rather than just eating and drinking your way through the weekend - this is progress, girlfriend! This journey is about more than just taking weight off, it's about health - mental, emotional, and physical - and taking charge of your life, rather than drifting through and numbing the pain with food and you're doing it. Stop fighting, stop asking "why me?", and start enjoying the changes.
