I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Friday evening. It's been an eventful day. First, I woke up, got myself ready for work, walked out to my carport and saw...nothing. My first thought was, "where the heck did I leave my car?" My second thought was, "oh ****, I left it right here," staring at the empty space where my car should have been. Yes, that's right, my car was stolen.
Strangely, my reaction was very different than it was last October when it was broken into. This time, I was actually more amused than anything else. No tears, no freak outs, just laughter and acceptance. A colleague from work came and picked me up so that I could go to a meeting that I knew I had today, although I couldn't remember where or when. Turns out that meeting was cancelled, so I could have stayed home, but I'm glad that I went anyway. I got a lot of packing done (I'm changing offices) and was able to put out a surprising number of fires, too. A good day, basically. Another friend, Tony, drove me home and offered me the use of his car while he's gone for four days next week, which I graciously accepted.
I briefly thought about "rewarding" myself for having been so terribly wronged by the person that stole my car (note use of sarcasm), then decided on a comfortable compromise of having a steak and cheese sandwich at Subway, which didn't put me over calories and had the added bonus of giving me lots of nummy veggies. Still more than I should have eaten, but I was pleased with the choice, especially considering Subway is farther away than Cotijas, my favorite Mexican place.
After dinner, as I was folding laundry, the phone rang. The lovely, wonderful, underpaid San Diego Police Department had found my car and wanted to know if I could be there to pick it up in the next 20 minutes. I found out that it was about a mile and a half, mostly downhill, and quickly told them that I'd be there. I saddled up on my trusty bike...and found that the tires both needed air. I don't have a pump. Plan B...I slide out of my Birks and pull on socks, then cram my feet into my running shoes, grab the keys and go. I start out doing PowerWalk times two. My little legs were straining trying to keep up the pace. It hurt, but I kept pushing. Then, when I got to the downhill portion, I started to jog. Jogging after a steak and cheese sandwich is not fun. Jogging after a Mexican food binge would have been impossible - more proof, as if more were needed, that I'd made the right decision for dinner. I jogged for half a mile. Half a mile, folks. I haven't even walked more than casually in a month or so, and I jogged half a mile. Pain. Pain. More Pain. Once I got to the flat part of the trip, I went back to Super Power Walk, remembering that I had about 15 minutes to cover a mile and a half. The only thing that kept me going through the pain was the thought that my car was there...waiting, and I didn't want it to be towed when it was so close.
I power walked around the corner and saw three police cars, all with their lights going. I thought it odd that, in a city the size of San Diego, they'd send three cars out to recover a stolen vehicle, but I was just so glad to see they were still there that I, frankly, didn't give it much thought. As I walked toward it, I was holding my breath, waiting to see how much damage had been done. I gave the officer my license and he told me that a good samaritan had called and reported it and that they'd apprehended the culprit. It was the acquisition of said suspect that had created the need for three units, apparently. (Note that I briefly thought about asking if I could be allowed five minutes with the prisoner to vent my frustration on him verbally, then decided that might be seen as not helpful.) He asked if I knew three different people, none of which sounded familiar to me, and I soon realized why he was asking: there was absolutely no damage to my car! Not a lock popped, not a window broken, not even the ignition hot wired. Very, very odd. I wonder, privately, if it mightn't be someone associated with the collision place that fixed the lock on my car when it was damaged last fall in the break in. In any case, there was a bunch of stuff in my car that didn't belong to me, nearly everything that did belong to me, and even my beloved Dixie Chicks CD, which I'd thought was gone forever, since it was in the CD player at the time the car was stolen.
The moral of the story? I'm not really sure at this point. Perhaps I'm supposed to appreciate my little car more than I do? Mission accomplished! She's nothing fancy, but she's reliable and she gets me where I'm going. I'm also going to start using my Club again. I'd stopped using it because I'd read so many times that they are worthless, but the officer told me that the car thieves around my neighborhood are more in the joy riding variety, rather than hard core criminals. If they think my car is a little more challenging than someone else's, they might leave mine alone. We shall see.
In the meantime, I'm celebrating having a little 1996 silver Saturn sitting in my carport again and my decision to have Subway instead of Mexican. Today was a good day.
Thursday night. I'm feeling very uncreative right now, but I didn't want to skip a post and have people wondering where I'd gone. I'm still here, and I'm still doing well - truly - I'm just so burnt out on the grind at work that I am completely drained of creative, inventive thought. I hate the thought of doing "duty posts", but I hate the thought of not posting even more, so here I am. I'm fairly certain the zip will come back to my step at some point soon, though, so do not despair if this post doesn't meet your need for good, clean entertainment.
So, other than work, things are going well. I'm still keeping up my part of the 10% challenge, most strongly in the area of eating, but I'm making progress in several areas. For instance, I came a lot closer to 100 ounces of water today than I have all week (92 ounces). I'm not worried, though, because I know that it will all fall into place in its own time. Funny for someone as impatient as I am to hear myself saying that. Funnier still that I really believe it.
Only 10 days, 12 hours, 45 minutes until my plane leaves for vacation, not that I'm counting or anything. I truly, really, deeply cannot wait to be away. As I've told Tracy, who is the other half of my travelling team, it really wouldn't matter what we did for nine days, as long as I was away from work. It happens, however, that we've got quite the fun little trip put together. It's all about baseball and road trips and cities we'd never visit if they didn't have Major League Baseball ballparks. I'll post more details as it gets closer and you'll probably all have the same reaction as my mother did - "Cleveland? What on Earth are you girls going to do in Cleveland???" There's a method to our madness, I promise you. You'll see once the pictures start appearing.
Today's celebration is that I took a nap when I got home. I just love naps, don't you? There are probably other things to celebrate, too, I'm just too tired to think of them.
Wednesday night. Feeling a little blue. Nothing I want to share, it's just there, a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. I shouldn't care, really, I shouldn't. I do, though.
In the old days - that would be last week - this kind of feeling would have driven me straight to a fast food place and an order of one of everything on the menu. Heck, the day I had at work today on its own would have done that last week. Know what? I'm not even thinking about it. What I'm thinking is that I'm really proud of myself for caring about me, for loving me, for putting myself and my well being ahead of the emotions. That my friends, is progress.
Today's celebration(s): no binges, cute new hairdo, and getting a few things off of my plate at work (finally).
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a date with a subliminal self esteem tape and 30 minutes of relaxation.
Tuesday afternoon. Blogger added a new feature with their latest revamp, so I've added a link on the left to my Blogger profile. There's nothing in there that anyone who's been reading me for more than a month doesn't know, but it's kind of a neat idea, I think.
Tuesday morning. OK, am I the only Blogger user that hasn't changed my template since their revamp? Yikes, I don't recognize most of my favorite sites anymore, although they all look great. I do like the new design of the Blogger site itself, and I'm slowly starting to poke around and try out all of the new goodies.
So, with that, here's an update on yesterday's happenings with the Ten Percent Challenge:
1. Eat Healthy Gourmet meals - YES, 100%
2. Exercise - Nope. I got home really late and had to go to bed early (have a 6am conference call I'm on right now)
3. Drink 100 ounces of water - I drank about 52 ounces, so just over half of my goal
4. Thirty minutes a day of meditation, prayer, or some kind of quiet time - Done!
5. Stretch all muscles twice a week - I'm planning to do this Tuesday and Thursday
6. Attend at least two OA meetings a week - See #2, I just didn't have the time or inclination last night. There's a meeting highly recommended by another OAer tonight at 6pm, so that's in the plan before I go to get my hair cut
7. Avoid negativity in my attitude toward myself and my journey to health - YES, and it feels sooooooooo good!
As I was reminding Dazed today, the Ten Percent Challenge is not a sprint, nor is it demanding of perfection or anything close to it. This is a leisurely stroll in the direction that we want to go, so that we can enjoy the journey and celebrate our victories. Accordingly, I think I might need to add another item to the list above...
8. Find something to celebrate about my life and the journey I'm on, each and every day - Yesterday, as I was going to bed, I realized how good I felt about myself, even in the face of what was, truly, a heinous day at work. Not that anything horrible happened, just a lot of things to be done, many meetings, and an overwhelming feeling that I'm not keeping up. The fact that I still felt good about myself and my life when I went to bed was a revelation.
Let's all go out today and find lots of things to celebrate!
"It's not what you own but what you love that expresses your authenticity."
I just love that quote, and I think it's very apt as I set forth on my expedition to health and happiness. I am so ready for this change and so weary of the life I'm living now. I know that there are going to be scary moments along the way and that I'm going to stumble and perhaps even fall, so I'm excited and a little scared and ready to face what's out there for me.
I was reading something about fear in Oprah's magazine last week and it said something to the effect that the author was less afraid of dying than she was of not having really lived. I know what she means.
Sunday morning. I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the "big picture", so much so that I think I'm just psyching myself out of even trying to improve the little picture in the meantime. What I mean is, I'm so focused on losing 114 pounds (more or less) that I've lost sight of the fact that losing just 15 pounds would get me back into my size 24 clothes and 26 pounds would be 10% of my current weight, which has been shown to have significant positive impact on blood sugar and longevity for type II diabetics, of which I am one.
With that in mind, here's the plan:
Between tomorrow and August 9th (13 weeks), I will...
1. Eat my healthy gourmet meals at least 18 out of 21 meals a week. My three meals outside of that parameter will be healthy, both in content and portion size.
2. Exercise at least 270 minutes a week - either cardio or Curves or any combination of the two.
3. Drink at least 100 ounces of water every day. I just don't lose weight as well when I drink less than this amount and it helps me get some extra exercise when I have to run up and down the stairs at work to the ladies' room.
4. Spend at least 30 minutes a day, six days a week, in meditation, prayer, or some kind of quiet time with myself. This could include using my Richard Simmons stretching tape (see #5 below).
5. Stretch out all of my major muscle groups at least twice a week. I've got an old Richard Simmons tape with classical music and no narration and a new Tamilee Webb stretching DVD, so those should keep me interested.
6. Attend at least two OA meetings a week, get a sponsor, and sign up for a concentrated step study group once one opens up nearby. I think that, in all fairness, I've got to give it a fair try, no matter how much some of the tenets of the program bother me. Too many people have found recovery from compulsive overeating through this organization for it not to have merit.
In the middle of this goal (by the July 4th holiday), I'll weigh and measure to see how I'm doing, but I'm not going to do either until then. I don't want this just to be about my weight or my waist size (the only measurement that really means anything to me), because then it's all about the negative and I've got enough negativity in my life without adding to it. I want to celebrate this journey because, God willing, it will be the last time I do this and, quite possibly, the first time I've done anything out of love for myself. Which leads me to #7...
7. I will not speak badly of myself, my struggle to lead a healthy life, my body weight, or any mistakes I may have made in the past. I have a clean, beautiful piece of writing paper sitting in front of me and I intend to write only beautiful things about myself on it. To that end, I'm also going to (temporarily) move away from those who speak or write negatively about any of the above for themselves. I know we each have our own battles to fight in life, and I applaud everyone who is striving to improve themselves. I know that, for me, negativity can start a really bad cycle of self loathing and bingeing, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to get that stopped for me.
I think that's enough for now. Off to enjoy the beautiful day outside and let my mind drift for a while.
Postscript: I'm calling this the "Ten Percent Challenge" - feel free to join up, if you're so inclined!
