I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Saturday afternoon. Well, this morning was the first meeting of the marathon training team I've joined and it went really well. First, I managed to get up at 4am, even after a really dismal night's sleep. I didn't run into any traffic at all and got there with a comfortable amount of time before the official program started. I got my "In Training" tshirt, which I nearly wept as I put on, as well as my Training Manual, which contains the schedule for workouts from now until race day. (Gulp! I am supposed to do a hour of hill work on Christmas Day as well as a 12 mile walk the Saturday after Christmas. Ho, ho, ho.) We did a two mile/33 minute walk. There are about 20 people in my particular pace group, which is nice. The pace leader is a BBW, too, and she did last year's marathon successfully, which made me feel a lot more comfortable.
I drove home from Venice (where the training is), had Rubio's for lunch (Health Mex combo), then headed over to RoadRunner sports to find shoes to train in. Very strange, because I have to buy running shoes even though I'm walking the whole thing. Oh, well. I also shopped online for synthetic based training clothes that wick moisture away because most of the stuff I have now is 99% cotton/1% lycra, and that's just going to get soggy and gross with the amount of walking I'm going to be doing.
I'm SO excited!!!
Weeks until L.A. Marathon: 30 Weeks until Christmas: 20 Activity yesterday: 33 minutes/1.7 miles on treadmill Activity today: 33 minutes/2 miles on sidewalk near beach (Venice)
Friday morning. Once again, not enough sleep last night, which led to a pretty wretched workout with Trainer Hottie this morning. I was wiped out, moody, and had no energy. This cannot continue! I have the first meeting for my marathon training group tomorrow morning and I need to be positive and energized. I want this experience to be enervating and empowering, to be the beginning of a journey to a stronger, more confident place for me. Why does this marathon in particular hold such power over me? I don't know the answer to that question and it's not really important because it does have an incredible pull on my psyche and I'm going to use that to my advantage.
Early in my blogging (April), I did a lot of thinking about being scared and how that feeds my unfortunate (destructive?) tendency toward inactivity. It's as though, in my mind, if i'm scared then it's better to do nothing than do something which might end up being the wrong thing to do. Of course, logically, I know that doing nothing is as likely, if not more so, to be the wrong thing than making a choice based on my knowledge and experience, but logic and fear are at opposite ends of the mental spectrum for me. It's akin to trying to push two magnets together, the way that they repel each other...fear and logic work the same way for me.
The question must be asked: what is it, exactly, that I'm so scared of? The answer that I came up with in April was that I'm scared of life itself, and I still believe that to be true. I think that fear may, in fact, have been exacerbated by the momentous life changes that C. and I have been discussing, which will turn my entire carefully crafted, not necessarily happy but at least comfortable existence completely on its ear. I'm not good at dealing with even little changes in my routine so you can imagine what my subconscious is thinking about every single thing in my life changing. It's not pretty and, honestly, that's probably playing a part, on some level, in my inability to get a proper night's sleep.
Last time I wrote about my fears, I almost immediately started feeling better. I really hope that happens this time, too.
Weeks until L.A. Marathon: 30 Weeks until Christmas: 20 Activity yesterday: 33 minutes/1.7 miles on treadmill
Thursday morning. Yes, that's right, it's been over a week since I posted last.
I am not sleeping well and I'm not sure why. I think it's a combination of the fact that I'm procrastinating getting my reviews done for work (I have five to write and give in the next week) and the heat and staying up too late the past few nights. Whatever the reason, it is seriously knocking me off of my game. I feel out of sorts and all over the place mentally and emotionally. I had another of those "I don't think I can give up my whole life as I know it for C." panic attacks last night and I think the sleep deprivation thing is at the root of it. It's not as though I'm not getting some sleep but it's just not enough, it seems.
Good news on the health front, though. I've been on program solidly with my eating and water since last Thursday's little journey into the carton of low fat Cherry Garcia frozen yogurt and I've even managed to get workouts in both on Monday and Tuesday. (Last night I was at work until 7pm and was just run off of my feet all day, so no workout.) I also got a very well timed email yesterday from the L.A. Roadrunners group, the official training group for the L.A. Marathon, telling me that their training sessions are starting on Saturday for the marathon in March. After my little setback earlier this summer (and the realization that I'm still just too heavy to run for any length of time), I'd given up on the marathon but with that little reminder email, I started thinking about the possibility of walking instead of running. They say that even recreational walkers (I'd say I qualify) can train to successfully complete the marathon with their program, so I've signed up. The bad news? They meet every Saturday in Venice at 7am. Since I'm in San Diego, that means that I need to leave my house by 4am every Saturday morning, drive 2-1/2 hours (if there's no traffic), then do the long walk with the group, then drive another 2-1/2 hours (again, if there's no traffic) home. Every week between now and March. Yes, I really want to do this. No, it's not the way I'd dreamed about doing it, but I'll do it and put a stake in the ground that says that I'm a fit person and that I can stick with things when I'm determined enough to do so.
With that, I'll be reinstating my countdown to the 2004 LA Marathon, in addition to counting down the weeks until Christmas (when I get to visit C.)
Weeks until L.A. Marathon: 30 Weeks until Christmas: 20 Activity yesterday: none
