Thursday, March 24, 2005

Looking back and looking forward

Thursday morning. I met Meta for a latte this morning (he's in town for work) and we talked about looking back at our sites to the time when things were rolling right along with our journey to better health to see if there were any magic words of wisdom.

From June 15 (only nine day into the Ten Percent Challenge):

"Every day, I unearth new and wonderful things about myself that make me feel stronger and more committed to taking care of myself and treating myself with love and kindness. Sometimes, it really does feel like a miracle when I look at where I was just a few months ago or even last month and where I am now - both in terms of the way I'm taking care of myself and the way I feel about myself. The neat thing is that the two things feed each other and become self sustaining, especially in the long term. Eventually, it simply becomes easier to keep doing what feels good and nurtures my positive self image, and, this time around, there's nothing negative in my motivation. I don't feel disgusted with myself as I am, right now, and I'm not desperate to lose weight to feel good about myself, either. I truly am doing this because I want to be healthier, live longer, and stop abusing myself with food. I know it's just a small change, but it means everything to me and I am so grateful for the changes in my life."

At the risk of sounding cliche, that passage really does hold the key for my long term success. I must shift my mindset about myself from one of anger and disgust to a renewed focus on love and kindness. I have to do that despite the fact that my new, beautiful clothes are tight and despite my disappointment over the poor eating choices I've been making of late. This is not irreversible. Yet.

I'm at a crossroads here. I see both paths very clearly and only one leads to a place where I'm happy and at peace. It might take me a little while to get completely back on the path I want, but I feel confident that I see where I need to go and know what I need to do to get there.

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