I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Saturday afternoon. So I've been doing a lot of thinking about what it would take to lose weight and keep it off forever. And what I'm willing to do to make that happen, forever. Not "just until I lose weight", but forever.
There's a long list of things that I'm not willing to do: * Write down everything that I eat and keep to a strict calorie limit. I've been there and done that. I get resentful and then I want to binge.
* Obsess over whether I have cheese on a sandwich or guacamole on my burrito. I'd rather do more exercise or lose weight more slowly and eat foods the way that I want them instead of making myself feel deprived over stupid stuff that doesn't matter in the bigger picture.
* Lift weights. I just don't like it, it makes me feel gross, and my shoulders and back hurt afterwards. I've tried it with a hottie trainer, I've tried it with a non-hottie trainer, and I really loathe it. I'll do cardio and I'll do flexibility, but the weight lifting thing just isn't for me.
* Any kind of eating plan that involves cutting out or severely restricting any food group. Fruit, bread, meat...in moderation, they're fine. Again, if I lose weight more slowly, that's fine. (End goal = weight loss that I can live with and maintain.)
I know that several of the above are working really well for buddies of mine and I'm constantly tempted to give them another shot because I want to be successful, too, but they just don't work for me. I'm actually thinking in terms of years to lose 100 pounds and that's so foreign to me. I'm Short Attention Span Girl. I'm the one that drops 60 pounds in six months. It feels so weird but I just know that this is the right path and that - once I can manage to stop bingeing - I'm going to be really happy with the choices I'm making.
Friday afternoon. Man, I am seriously neglecting this poor, little space. I think it's been like a month or so since I've written here (or perhaps it just feels like it because this has been The Longest Week Ever). In a strange turn of events, I haven't wanted to be on the computer after getting home from work lately, although not because I'm out exercising or doing other, life-affirming things (more's the pity).
This week I: * Got Alcott's email address. You cannot imagine how much fun I'm having sending him little messages, pictures, etc. He will, I'm certain, have a new account before Monday
* Went to a Junior League neighborhood meeting. I was supposed to bring an appetizer, so I stopped off at the local health food grocery store and picked up red pepper hummus, guacamole, and tortilla chips. Yes, I know that I'm on my way to stardom as JL Cook of the Year, but it was a long day
* Whined a lot. Mostly to the cats. They are now thoroughly sick of me. (Seriously, they refuse to meet my gaze because they are embarrassed by my lack of control!)
* Had my review with my boss. Better than I'd expected and most of the Development Areas were things I'm already working on with Gloria, so not bad. Nice raise. Nice bonus. Nice stock options and grants. I work for a great company, honestly!
* Given three of my ten reviews for my team members. Gone even better than expected so far, which is more than I deserve, so I'm hanging tough with a plan to finish strong (two days before the deadline). Newsflash: I'm not the worst boss in the world! (Yea me!!!)
* Found out that my mommy broke a bunch of bones in her foot while at work. Worse, because it's Worker's Compensation-related, there's a certain doctor she has to go and see and that person is booked up through Monday. So she'll spend the weekend in pain. Frownie face me
* Had a good session with Gloria. We talked about the fact that I need to concentrate on making "thinking" decisions rather than "feeling" decisions. Thinking means that I don't just feel a certain way and then make a decision based solely on that. Pausing to do a little analysis could radically affect the decisions that I ultimately make! We also talked about the fact that I need to get an ionizer for my office because there is no source of natural fresh air in here and all of these positive ions are bringing me down. Dudes and dudettes, I have enough stuff that can bring me down in here and I do not need the extra help. If you know of a really bitchen' ionizer that doesn't produce ozone, shoot me a message, would you?
I think that's about it. Lord, I am so tired and just plain wiped out right now. I've not been sleeping and I just want to go home and face first on the couch. Except that I have no couch because I need to get rid of all of the extra furniture in my living room so that I can go to IKEA and purchase the most beautiful sofa and chaise ever!!!
(TCB, if you're reading this, the best birthday gift ever would be if you'd organize all of this for me. Very economical, too!)
Sunday evening. What could be better than an afternoon spent watching baseball? How about an afternoon spent watching baseball in America's Finest City (that would be San Diego - it's on the police cars, so it must be true!) with The World's Cutest Boy sitting next to me?!! Yes, I got to spend yesterday with Alcott and today with TCB - I am the luckiest girl ever.
Marianne Williamson talks about Love being the opposite of Fear and that the only true antidote to Fear is Love. This weekend is all about letting Love permeate even the dark places inside me. All you need is love, Luv, and love is all you need.
