I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Friday afternoon. So, I have a dreadful case of the Blahs. I just don't care today. I want to sleep until I can't sleep any more. I want my laundry to be done by elves while I sleep. I want everyone on my (really wonderful) team to take care of their crises themselves. I want to wake up and find a warm, essential lavender oil bath waiting, with candles and classical music, and a warmed towel waiting when I get out. Yes, yes, yes...I deserve these things!!! *temper tantrum ensues*
Alrighty then, we're back. I have nothing, however, that I wish to speak of today in my own life, but shall, instead, send you all (yes, you, too!) over to Kat's place so that you can tell her that there are lots of us like her out here and that she can so totally do this. Go on. Right now. I'll wait.
Did you go? Did you leave a nice comment? Of course you did because only kind and generous people would ever bother coming over here to my corner of the 'Net. (I love both of you very much, too!)
My plan needs to be adjusted or, rather, my approach to following the plan needs to be adjusted. No details because I'm trying not to obsess, but there are some things I need to do differently in the rest of my life to make eating properly and getting enough exercise work. Yes, believe it or not, just having a delightfully appropriate plan is not, on its own, enough to make me healthy overnight.
Learning As I Go: A rambling entry full of sound and fury, signifying nothing
Wednesday afternoon. I'm tired. Not just mentally tired (that's constant at this time of year) but physically tired, too. TCB stayed over last night and - get your minds out of the gutter! - I didn't get much sleep. Seriously, remember my TMI post from last week? Nothing interesting happened last night, I promise, but I only have a Queen sized mattress and TCB is a man who likes to take up space. He has a full size at his place and it's even worse there. I must have space when I sleep and if I get crowded, I can't sleep. He doesn't mean it, but he's always crowding me and then I get the fidgets/restless leg syndrome and it's off to the couch for me. The couch is fine for leisurely naps in the afternoon, but not for the really good sleep that I need when I'm under a lot of pressure at work (and trying to work a new healthy eating plan). One or both of us needs to get a King sized bed. Or two twins. Whatever. Did I mention that I'm really tired?
I guess they call it a plan because it might need to be adjusted. That's definitely how it's working for me. It's all very well to write up what you ought to do or even intend to do, but sometimes life has other plans. Did not walk last night and went out to dinner at Chili's with TCB. On the plus side, I didn't overeat, there wasn't any bingeing, and I got to have dinner with my boyfriend. The walking didn't happen because TCB has my dining room all rearranged so that he can exchange my ugly ceiling fan for a new, pretty one, and that's a sacrifice I can live with. It's only one day and I'll be right back at it tonight because I was totally buzzing to walk last night and couldn't.
I have therapy tonight (do I ever need it or what???) and I'll walk afterwards then have a little snack before bed. After my disorganized eating today - just a little stressed - I'll need the return to routine.
Tuesday afternoon. More running around at work. More down-to-the-wire product releases. Still love my team and my job although not entirely thrilled with what it does to my holidays. Enough about that.
TCB is at my condo (or is supposed to be) doing little "to do" items today. He's got a seminar in San Diego tomorrow so he's going to stay overnight, which is very rare, so it will be nice to have company tonight. Of course, he will get to watch me do another 20 minute workout tonight (deck repairman came over this morning so I didn't get it done then), which ought to be interesting. He'll also get to watch me eat one of my healthy, prepared meals and that will be interesting, too. I'm not going out to dinner and will happily help him order take out from Chilis or Outback if that's what he'd like for dinner himself.
So, what am I doing for a food plan? Well, I'm giving up on dieting. Before you panic, read on. I've been reading a great deal from The Overcoming Bulimia Workbook, which was recommended to me by my therapist, and one of the things they recommend for recovery is to give up the idea of dieting. Restricting food is one of the most common triggers for symptoms of bulimia (and binge eating disorder, which is basically bulimia stopped at the binge portion of the disease) and that's certainly something I've seen in my own life.
The theory is that everyone has a setpoint weight...a weight that your body will naturally gravitate to if you eat in a reasonable manner (1800-2200 calories a day for women and 2400-2800 for men) and put some planned physical activity into your day. I know that, the last two times I've lost over 100 pounds, weight has dropped off of me while I ate between 1800 and 2000 calories, so this should really work well for me. I must give up the idea that I'm "dieting", though, and I must also make sure that I'm not feeling physically hungry, as that can trigger the binge urge. The sample meal plans they provide look a lot like what I'm doing now with the addition of a mid-morning snack, mid-afternoon snack, and (potentially) an after-dinner snack. Each of these snacks would be between 100 and 250 calories and could include things like a nonfat, decaf, sugar-free hazelnut latte or a Campbell's Soup at Hand or a nonfat yogurt or some cheese and crackers.
Another important concept is the idea of very regimented eating, at least for a while, so that you don't have the chance to get hungry (and then make poor choices in response). In essence, I set up regular meal and snack times and stick to them even if I'm not necessarily hungry. For me, that's going to look something like:
7am - Cinnamon apple french toast with apple juice, two strawberries (500 calories) 9:45 - latte (210 calories at S'bucks) 12:30 - Ants on a Log (3), Veggie Sticks, Deviled Egg and Apple Slices with Caramel Dip (400 calories) 3:15 - Soup at Hand (between 60 and 180 calories) 6pm - Mexican lasagna with carrots and rice pudding (450 calories) 8:15pm (optional, if hungry) - cup of herbal tea with a Nilla wafer
(That happens to be today's menu, in case you're wondering.)
Oops, I've got a meeting to run to, but I'll be back later with more info about The Plan.
Sunday night. I had a lovely day yesterday, visiting with my parents then going out with TCB and our friends, Joe and Carrie. Lots of food but no bingeing, so I'm a happy girl. Fought off wicked bad urges to binge last night after TCB went to bed (there was some chunky peanut butter screaming my name from the cabinet). I didn't give in, though, and that was a happy thing. Still, it's day-by-day and the fight will never end. (See this is the kind of thing that you learn when you read books like The Overcoming Bulimia Workbook - good, huh?)
I'm resting for a bit after going through all of the accumulated Christmas stuff, then I'm going to get (hopefully, if they're open) Subway and then, after the meal settles, do another 20 minutes on the treadmill. I need to do some laundry, too, so perhaps I'll sneak that in while my food settles. At least I've got enough clean clothes to go to work tomorrow, because that's a good feeling.
I guess the only way to perfect your juggling skills is to start out small and be willing to make mistakes. I'm not normally known for either of those qualities but, if this is what it takes, this is what I'll do!
