I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
The one in which I reappear after a long absence and tell you that I've had an amazing realization
Saturday morning. Wowser, this week has just flown by! With all of the social obligations plus work reaching a fever pitch, I just haven't even thought about doing anything other than getting up, going to work, going to a party, then coming home and falling asleep. (Repeat as necessary.)
Anyway, you didn't come here to listen to me whine about how I'd really just like a day so that I could get things done, so here's the poop on my fabulous realization: my health isn't a priority for me. OK, before you all scream "DUH, Denise" in unison, let me explain what I mean. It came about while I was at a Junior League training on Time Management. The leader was talking about the need to decide what was important to you before trying to organize your day because you must make sure that your "to do" is aligned (as much as possible) with what's important. I didn't think much of it at the time other than to jot myself a note to think about this more when I had time. After I got home, I was idly asking myself about priorities and started to name mine off inside my head: family, TCB, Alcott and the kids, my health. It hit me nearly immediately that my health was pretty far down on the list. I then thought about what my priorities have been when I've been really successful in leading a healthy life: family and my health pretty much tied. Of course, I never had a boyfriend when I was going great gangbusters with the health thing and I definitely never had anything like Alcott in my life. So, essentially, when there's nothing in my life but me, I'm easily able to make my health the top priority, become myopically obsessed with every detail of my healthy lifestyle, and have amazing results. Then, when I add other things to the list, they all quickly move ahead of my health and I regain all of the weight I've lost along with dumping all of my healthy habits in favor of doing things with my higher priority items (in this case, TCB and Alcott).
I've thought a lot about it since then and it truly is that simple. I'm not sabotaging myself for a man, I'm not letting myself go because I want to test his devotion, I just deprioritize myself and stop doing what I need to do. Wow. Again, I'm sure many of you are slapping your heads and wondering how I can be so excited about such an obvious realization but, honestly, this really is the first time I've made this connection.
I'm honestly not sure where to go with this but I've got an appointment with Dr. Angelique (my eating disorder therapist) on Wednesday and I'm going to share with her. I know that I can't toss TCB and Alcott to the curb so that I can get obsessive about my health and I know that I can't keep shoving my health down on the priority list, either, or else I soon won't be here for them, either. No, I'm not sure what to do, but at least I know what I'm facing, and that's a very comforting realization indeed.
Saturday morning. No, not TCB...stay with me here, people! It's Alcott, my darling boy, the superstar basketball player of all time...he's got a girlfriend. And he told me about her. And it was all that I could do not to giggle at his earnestness. (Don't worry, I bit down on the inside of my cheek so that not even a smile appeared.) She sounds like a nice girl and smart, too, which is good because I want to like her because he likes her but, you know there's no way I'm going to be happy with someone not worthy of this amazing boy's affections. Omigosh, don't even talk to me about what will happen if she breaks his heart!!! In any case, if you're in San Diego and you've got a youngish teenaged girl and she's dating an adorable boy that plays basketball and football and is incredibly intelligent and sensitive, you might just be the luckiest mom ever. Seriously.
Wednesday morning. I've been tagged by Tania, so here goes:
7 things I plan to do before I die: (no particular order)
1. Travel across Europe 2. Remarry 3. Remodel/modernize my condo 4. Get a degree in business management 5. Clean my junk drawers 6. Learn another language fluently 7. Make the number on a scale a total non-factor in my life
7 things I can do:
1. Talk. A lot 2. Write interesting stories 3. Motivate a 14 year old boy 4. Get out of bed even when I really just want to sleep all day 5. Effectively manage 10 people, their products, and my own day-to-day duties 6. See the creative way out of nearly any conundrum 7. Shop. A lot
7 things I cannot do:
1. Crochet 2. Ski (water or snow) 3. Throw a ball 4. Stop worrying about things I have no control over 5. Take away the pain of disappointment for five wonderful children 6. Buy a BMW 3 series 7. The splits
7 things that attract me to another person:
1. Intelligence 2. Humor 3. Great eyes 4. Easy going disposition 5. Likes kids 6. Volunteers in the community 7. Ability to deal with high maintenance individuals (like me)
7 things I say most often:
1. Bummer 2. That's unfortunate 3. Craptastic 4. Grrrrr 5. I'm having a fantastic day...how about you? 6. What have you tried so far to work through this? 7. That's a fabulous bag - where'd you get it?
I'm not going to name anyone I'd like to see complete this but, if you're so inclined, I'll be happy to read the responses of anyone on my blogroll.
No time to worry, no time to stress...just work and party, work and party
Monday morning. No matter what the Chamber of Commerce website says, we're still America's Finest City in my books!
We've now entered the time of year when things at work get really hectic for me. (Me and everyone else in our division of the company.) Generally that means I roll out of here and either into a binge/bed ugly cycle or straight from work into workout clothes and a nice walk, depending on which part of the rollercoaster I'm on in that year. This year, a new dimension has been added to the fun: a social life! Yes, that's right, in a misguided attempt to do some good in the world, I stopped being a hermit and got involved and now I have lots of things to do through the holiday season. As a matter of fact, starting with last Friday, I have 10 days without social engagements in the 23 days until Christmas (and that's not counting Alcott and his brother's basketball games) - yikes! When am I supposed to do laundry? When I am supposed to write out holiday cards? When am I supposed to lie around and do nothing in sweet enjoyment of the holiday season??? Ah, well, better to be too busy with lots of people requesting your presence than sitting at home on the couch watching re-runs of Gray's Anatomy, right?
By the way, I'm stealing a page from Trish and asking that, if you'd like a snail mail holiday card from me, you send me an email with your mailing address. (If you'd like to send me one in return, just specify that in your message and I'll reply with my information.)
I'll come back and do a proper update soon, I promise, but there are products to release, emotional breakdowns to counsel friends through, and a gift exchange gift (for Thursday night - yikes!) to buy, so I must run for now.
