I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Tuesday afternoon. Well, I took the plunge this morning and it wasn't pretty. I have officially gained back all but six of the pounds I lost from June 04 to January 05 - 50 pounds since March. I'm not happy about it although I'm not disconsolate, either. Mostly I'm worried that I still don't know what helped me put it all back on or what I will do differently the next time to make sure this doesn't happen again. Frankly, I don't really even want to start making the healthy changes and sacrifices that I know I need to make until I've got a grip on the whole maintenance side of things because it is so incredibly painful to fail at something so important to me. Not fail to lose the weight - that part is pretty easy once I get my head in the right place - but fail to keep it off and keep up the healthy habits I work so hard to build. This is the third time it's all fallen apart for me and I've regained at least 50 pounds in the last six years and that's more than enough.
So, you might be asking yourself, what steps am I going to take the start addressing this little issue? Glad you asked! I'm going to contact our EAP provider to get a referral to an eating disorders specialist so that I can start talking with someone that does this professionally. Everything else really has to come after that - nutritionist, personal trainer, whatever - so this is the first step for me. I've actually called to get a list of mental health professionals in the covered network who specialize in eating disorders, so I just need to call to make an appointment.
I'm also looking into the Lighter Way workshops at Eight Elements fitness center. From what they say on the website, they've had good results and I really like the mind-body connection they espouse because I do well when I focus on my body and its needs rather than external forces for my health and fitness motivation. Besides, what's not to like about incorporating Yoga into your weight loss efforts?
Basically, we shall see how it all shakes out. Something must change because, although I'm deliriously happy with myself, my life, my job, and TCB, the weight will kill me eventually if I don't get it under control. Isn't it ironic that I lost so much weight before I even had anything real in my life to want to live for and then gained it all back once I'd found so many wonderful things to want to be here for?
Aren't they pretty? One of the girls from my last-before-this-one team sent them to congratulate me on the new job. I am just so lucky, so blessed, so happy. Life is very good, indeed.
