I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Saturday morning. I did 40 minutes of intervals on the treadmill last night (some hills, some sprints) and felt good. This morning I woke up and went for a five mile walk in 90 minutes. I iced my feet after both walks in hopes of staving off any achilles problems and it seems to be working so far. This afternoon, the other CASA and I will be taking Alcott and his youngest brother to the county fair and will probably walk several miles through all of the exhibits, rides, and junk food. Nothing like going from total lack of any activity to walking ten miles in one weekend. Moderation? No thanks, I'd prefer heel spurs!
Oh, and I signed up for the West Coast Road Runners' fall marathon training program to prepare me for the Las Vegas Marathon in December. Before you ask, no, I won't be running it, just walking, but it's still 26.2 miles of fun, so I need proper training. Color me serious about following through and finishing folks, because this is something I've wanted for a very long time, I've already paid the entrance fee, and it's time to see what I can do with that much training. Anyone want to join me???
Friday night. Things today have gone extraordinarily well. Food on program - check. Walking on treadmill - check. One hundred ounces of water - check. Positive thoughts about myself - several checks. Making plans to take Alcott, his brother, and the other CASA to the county fair - check. You know, it always amazes me how easy it can all be sometimes, especially given how hard it can be at others. Still, I'm happy, I feel good, and it's the weekend.
For my positive thing to share today, I'm going to confess to something shameful: I'm a girly girl. Now, I can see some of you scratching your head and wondering why that's something I think you don't know, but there's a dimension to my girliness that I've never talked about here and it's really awful. I am completely useless when it comes to household repairs. Really and completely useless. I am, however, very capable of picking up the phone and calling someone to come and fix those things that I can't, but I haven't even done that for at least five years, so I've got tons of niggling things wrong with my little abode. A few weeks ago, I called and made an appointment with a contractor to come out and do about five things, including installing a new security screen on the front door. I took half a day off of work on Thursday only to find that the contractor took four hours (and $355) just to do the security door portion of the list and even that's not right now. (It's not that it wasn't installed properly, it's just that the way it sits doesn't work with my door so there's a gap of 3/4" vertically from the bottom of the door to my doorsill and 1/2" horizontally - big enough that a mouse or even rat could easily get in.) I was so frustrated afterwards that I didn't know what to do with myself. All of that money and time away from work and only one thing got finished and even that wasn't right!
I called my parents to give them an update on the fixing and had Daddy so concerned that he offered to write a check to cover the expenses ("no, Daddy, that's OK") but I still didn't feel any better afterwards. I called the contracting company to leave a message about having the guy come back out to remove the door and do the other things on the list, but then started freaking out thinking that it's going to cost me another $355 and I still might not get everything done. I was nearly crying by now and just couldn't see a way out. At this point, I would ordinarily have just picked up the phone to call whoever I might happen to be dating and tell them my tale of woe to get their advice on next steps but, as you all know, TCB and I don't chat on the phone out of the blue for no good reason - that's just not the way that it works. I sat next to the phone for at least half an hour, wishing I could call but not sure what my reception would be, until I started to cry from the sheer frustration of it (and because it's nearly TTOM). Scared and hoping it wasn't a huge mistake, I picked up the phone and dialed with my hands shaking and my heart pounding.
"Hey," he said (isn't he profound?)
"Um, are you handy around the house? Like, um, can you hang curtain rods?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, um, because, um, I, um...(starting to choke up)...I just paid someone a bunch of money to fix stuff around my house and all that I got out of it was a security door that doesn't work and nothing else is fixed and I feel so stupid. (Pinching myself - hard! - so that I won't cry.)
"How much did you pay him?"
"Um, a lot."
"How much is a lot?"
"I'm too embarrassed to tell you."
"Denise, how much did you pay him???"
"A couple hundred bucks." (Yes, I lied, but I couldn't tell him how much I'd really paid or he'd think I was a total idiot.)
*choking noise on other end of phone*
"And he couldn't even do the other stuff I needed done...so I'm just sitting here mad and frustrated and feeling stupid."
"Uh, huh." (Well, what did you expect him to say? LOL)
"So, um, maybe, if you didn't mind and if you had some extra time, you could come down and do a couple of the other things on the list. I'll pay you!" (Before you yell at me for making him feel badly with the money, what else could I do? I didn't want him feeling like I was taking advantage of him.)
"Don't worry about the money, Denise, I'll take care of it."
"You will? Really?"
Then ensued a brief discussion of the other items to be done (new sink for kitchen, two curtain rods to be hung in living and dining rooms, fire alarm reattached, and door knob reattached) after which he said none of those were a problem.
I said, "OK, so then I'll just get the contractor back out to uninstall the security door and put up a regular screen door and it will all be good."
"Let me look at the door before you do anything else. I might be able to fix it and I don't want you spending that money to have him out again if I can take care of it for you."
*tears rolling down my face by now*
"Thank you so much! I feel really badly because I can't repay you for any of this because I'm not good at anything...what can i do for you???"
"Don't worry about it, Denise, I'll take care of it."
And that's when I said those pivotal words in any relationship. "I'm such a Lucky girl!"
How to pay a fortune to get a security door installed and TPC Day 2 run down
Thursday evening. I have been working from home since 1pm this afternoon so that I could have a contractor come over and fix loads of niggling things that have been driving me crazy for ages. First, he left like six messages on my home phone wanting to confirm the appointment this morning before he'd show up. Bad news is that I didn't get home until he was scheduled to be here and that meant he wasn't here when I got home. In fact, he wasn't here until an hour and fifteen minutes after he was scheduled to be here. So glad I sprinted from an important meeting with my manager so as to be here on time! Since then, he's spent the last 3-1/2 hours struggling with just the security door which was the first thing on the list! Darnit, at the prices they're charging, that might be the only thing that gets fixed tonight - grrrr.
OK, on to bigger and better things, though! Here is my assessment of Day 2 of TPC...
1. Got two of three meals on program, so there's progress. 2. Still no activity. Will have to make these two days my "off" days on the schedule. 3. Got the 100 ounces of water in handily. 4. My wonderful thing to share is that, even though they cancelled the Padres game from TCB's place of employment (someone forgot to get the tickets - duh!), I am not feeling miffed or insecure in the slightest. He likes me. I like him, he likes me, and I'm not stressing about it. Yay! 5. Still staying positively focused in thoughts about myself. I even had the radical thought that it mightn't be so bad if it took me a while to lose this weight. Can you believe it??? I mean, it's not as though there's an expiration date. You know what the most amazing realization was, though? I'm actually happy and fulfilled right now, just as I am, so I don't need to lose weight for any of those old reasons: to start my life, to find love, to be happy. I can buy new clothes that will fit me until it's time to get smaller, I have five kids who think I'm wonderful, and there's a quiet man just north of here who wants to spend part of his weekend with me, so there's no reason to make myself miserable over a few little pounds.
Did it really take 37 years to free myself from the most painful belief ever? 'Fraid so, but I'm free at last, my friends, and the view is amazing.
Wednesday morning. Well, some things went well and some things still have room for improvement.
1. Eat my healthy gourmet prepared meals for all but one meal a week. OK, well, I got one of three meals on track, so now it's time to go for two! (Baby steps.)
2. Start with 45 minutes of exercise five days a week at an intensity of between 65 and 75% of my maximum heart rate and build to 60 minutes, five days a week in this manner:
First week - 45 Second week - 49 Third week - 54 Fourth week - 60
We'll just count yesterday as one of my two allowed days off.
3. Consistently drink at least 100 ounces of water every day. Done!
4. Find something to celebrate every day and share it here. I'm going to celebrate the fact that I have a wonderful life. This is not some fluff or random thing I'm grabbing here, but it's something that hit me right between the eyes as I was getting ready for bed last night. I had the most delicious feeling of happiness and warmth flood over me and I realized that I'm happy. Neat, huh?
5. Focus on the positive changes that I'll be making (and have already made) in my life and the loving way that I treat my body. Mirror that attitude in the way that I talk and think about myself. You know, many times in the past, I've let how i'm doing with my eating and activity plan dictate how I feel and think about myself. I'm happy to say that was not true yesterday. As I said above, I had some room for improvement in my performance on the TPC yesterday, but I've remained focused on the several things I did that were positive instead of beating myself up for the things that I didn't do. It's small, but it's progress.
By the way, Tiffany has decided to join the TPC, too - isn't she a trooper? - so go and read her Day 1 wrap up. Be sure to tell her how fabulously well she is doing! If you're doing the TPC, too, drop me a note so that I can be inspired by you, too.
Monday morning. First things first, I saw Daddy on Saturday morning for a Father's Day lunch and I was just floored at how wonderful he looks. Do you know that he's lost 45 pounds since April 19th??? Oh my gosh, I can't remember the last time he looked so good! I am so completely and utterly proud of him and the hard work he's put in and continues to put in with his cardiac rehab program (three days a week of circuit training at the hospital gym with appropriate medical supervision and direction). Seriously, this man just had major heart surgery and is now well on his way to better health - if that's not inspiring, I don't know what is!
On to TCB. Well, if I'd been paying attention, I probably would have heard that he had a formal dinner to attend Friday night as part of the trip, and then I wouldn't have gotten worried when he didn't call on Saturday. Duh, Denise! He didn't get home until Saturday night and was beat from the drive, but he called bright and early Sunday morning and we spent all of Sunday afternoon and evening together. At a certain point in the evening, I started thinking about how sunburned I was, and how tired, and said that I didn't want to but that I'd better get going. His reply? "Why not stay? I'll wake you up in plenty of time to drive home tomorrow and get ready for work." I felt all warm and tingly when he said that, but then I remembered that my healthy prepared meals had been delivered about 6pm and aren't packed to sit outside for more than 12 hours, so I reluctantly drove home. To be honest, I don't know if I'd have been able to sleep anyway, as that's always really tough for me (sleeping next to someone), and I'd like to test it out when neither of us has to get up early the next morning, but I'm really flattered that he offered. We're going to the Padres game on Wednesday with his group from work, so that ought to be interesting. TCB and the Padres - two of my favorite things!
The Ten Percent Challenge: Return of the (Positive) Motivation!
Monday morning. This one's for you, Tiffany. (Well, it's for me, too, but you're the one that gave me the motivation to get off my duff and do it.) So, without any further ado, I give you the 2005 version of the TPC.
Starting today, Monday, June 20, 2005, I will do the following things consistently -
1. Eat my healthy gourmet prepared meals for all but one meal a week. The meal that I eat outside of my prepared meals will be calorically consistent with my recommended daily limit and will include vegetables of some sort.
2. Start with 45 minutes of exercise five days a week at an intensity of between 65 and 75% of my maximum heart rate and build to 60 minutes, five days a week in this manner:
First week - 45 Second week - 49 Third week - 54 Fourth week - 60
3. Consistently drink at least 100 ounces of water every day.
4. Find something to celebrate every day and share it here.
5. Focus on the positive changes that I'll be making (and have already made) in my life and the loving way that I treat my body. Mirror that attitude in the way that I talk and think about myself.
If this looks familiar to long-time readers of this site, that would be because it's pretty much verbatim from my June 6, 2004 entry when I launched the first incarnation of the TPC. This time, however, I'm going to expand this little game and ask anyone reading this who needs to lose more than 10% of their body weight to consider playing along at home. You can report your progress here or just post a trackback to your own site if you'd prefer to put your progress reports there.
My tentative goal is to lose 10% of my weight and weigh 207 pounds by my brother's birthday - September 14th. This is 11.5 weeks away and will be a real challenge, but we'll see how I do, won't we? Come on, let's have some fun!
