I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Friday afternoon. Happy and sad. Rich and poor. Beautiful and ugly. Polar opposites, each of which cannot exist without the other. We (I) spend so much of our (my) time running like heck from things that are uncomfortable or not as comfortable for us as we'd like and yet still they flourish and thrive.
Good people get hurt. Good people with rich lives full of purpose and meaning. The more I ask "why?", the less I understand. What I know for sure is that there is much beauty and richness and love in the world and that it's absolutely essential to grab on to it with all that you're worth for as long as you're able. The greatest tragedy, it seems to me, is not to have lived - truly lived - at all, out of fear, ignorance, or, worst of all, laziness. What an affront to Life to pass right by the banquet table and not even stop to nibble on the feast that is there for us, if only we reach out to it.
After 37 years of starving my spirit, I'm reaching out with both arms, fingers stretched to their max, looking for new experiences, new sensations, new ways of thinking about the world and my place in it. Sometimes it feels like "A Christmas Carol" with me as Mr. Scrooge on Christmas Day when he realizes that it's not too late to change and that he still has time to make amends.
As long as there is life, there is hope, and with hope, anything is possible.
Tuesday morning. I am so glad that Monday's over - ugh! This time of year, with my particular field of endeavor, is very busy and full of excitement (not necessarily the good kind) for a project manager with components in hundreds of products. Mondays are even more hectic than the rest of the week because work on the products continues over the weekend and brings with it multitudes of brain twisters for me before I've had my morning coffee. Still, I made it through the day without taking anyone's head off and that's always a good thing.
There has still been no decision in the "What will Denise wear to the VLSCI holiday party?" crisis, but I think we're getting closer. The unsightly bulge of my upper abdominal area makes it essentially impossible for me to wear the really hot red dress I was thinking about, so that's out. I'm sure it will be absolutely lovely on me in a few months, so there's my Valentine's dress! I've thought about wearing my Marina Rinaldi black crepe pant suit with a pretty camisole underneath and some awesome strappy sandals, but then I realized that I'm not a "wearing trousers to a holiday party" kind of girl. I've got several cute dresses that I could wear, but they're not really festive enough. Basically, it's down to either my two year old blue holiday gown or - in a late entry to the race - a sweater/skirt combo that I bought a few years ago. The sweater is black, extremely low cut, with a ruffle starting at the collar and continuing down the center as well as at the cuffs. The skirt is a houndstooth print with black leather trim and a fringe at the hem. Both pieces are curve hugging and actually look pretty nice on (always a bonus!), so they're a real contender. I honestly believe it will probably be Saturday afternoon when I make the decision. I will get a disposable camera to take to the festivities so that I can have someone take a picture of me in the winning outfit and will post it.
Hundreds of product releases and still not decided on my holiday party outfit - it's so tough being me!
Sunday afternoon. I had so much fun yesterday! In addition to my always exciting brow grooming appointment, I volunteered at the Voices Holiday Party in the afternoon. I talked to my mom afterwards and she pretty much summed up my feelings when she said, "that's what the holidays are supposed to be about."
Hundreds of happy children with their CASAs and/or foster parents got to have fun, win prizes, get cool gifts, and meet Santa for three hours in the warm, southern California sun. I worked in the "Snowman Eating Contest" table. Kids took two mini powdered donuts and one mini powdered donut hole, stacked them on top of each other like a little snowman, and then tried to eat all three, as fast as they could without using their hands. The child who finished chewing and swallowing first - yes, we required proof of clean mouths! - got six tickets, the second got five, and so on. Tickets could be redeemed for some pretty cool prizes at the end of the day. Other games included Bingo, jewelry making, sack races, an obstacle course, and a football toss (you had to get it through a little hole in a canvas). We enforced a strict "no more than once an hour" rule at the Snowman booth and thus avoided any powdered spewage, although we did have to turn several kids away because of nutritional/medical concerns ("if your CASA says it's not OK then it's not OK"). Each child got a present that had been chosen for them, and it was fabulous to see all of the little girls pushing their new dollies in their new dolly prams and the boys driving their remote control Hummers. Additionally, all of the books that had been donated at Barnes and Noble before Friday were also laid out on a table for the children to choose from. I was checking out the "Santa room" where the books were (along with Santa and all of the wrapped presents) when a young boy I'd talked to earlier came to the table and started looking at the books. I asked him if he liked adventure stories and, when he answered that he did, I told him that "Treasure Island" would be a good choice. He smiled, took the book, and walked away. A few seconds later, he bounced back over and said, "thank you" before bouncing back over to his place in line for Santa. David was just the kid I was imagining when I bought that book, and I'm so pleased that it's gone to a good home.
In contrast to nearly every kid I've seen in the last ten years, these kids really appreciated the party, the people, the food, and the gifts. They were polite, happy, and fun - nothing short of a miracle, in my opinion, given the lives that they've led thus far - and they gave me tremendous hope and excitement for the future. Next year, Alcott and I will be there, hopefully with all of his siblings and their CASA (my friend and fellow Snowman herder, Genevieve). I can't wait!
