I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Tomorrow, I'll be driving four hours each way to attend a work friend's grandmother's funeral. I doubt that I'll be posting tomorrow as a consequence, so it will probably be Easter Sunday before you see anything new here.
Oh yeah, one other thing: I'm really tired. This is going to be an ugly drive. Thank goodness I rented a really cool Volvo S80 sedan for the trip. Surely, if I set the trip computer properly, it will do the driving for me, right?
Friday afternoon. Um, I sort of lost my cool with two members of another team in our department. In my defense, they are somewhat challenging people to work with, even on a good day. Today was not, for me, a particularly good day.
* I've not been sleeping properly for weeks, and the time change has only made it worse. I am not a fun person to be around when I'm not getting enough sleep. * I had a 90 minute conference call, which I was the originator and facilitator of, and which included representatives from about 20 of our fellow software developers. I had an agenda. I had a plan. It didn't go exactly as I'd planned (not a big surprise), still I was able to keep it (mostly) on topic. Very long 90 minutes. Very. * Our deadline for a high level job description document was moved up from end of next week to today. We were told about this change yesterday morning. Unfortunately, I had already given the team working on building the document the next week deadline, which was what they were working toward. Of course, that meant sulking from that team, not to mention making sure (in writing) that everyone knew that I was the one who had changed the original deadline (not an accurate assessment), so that I could be properly painted as the "bad guy". Whatever.
Anyway, all of that was the prelude to my slightly unprofessional response to that group this afternoon. I'm not proud and it's not the way I generally conduct myself, so it's embarrassing. The worst part is that I'm sure those team members will disavow any knowledge or allegiance to this doc because I was snarky to them, even though I made all of the changes they were asking for. Some days, you just can't win.
Thursday evening. I watched FOX's The Swan last night and I'm not sure what I think. For one thing, the majority of the show is spent going over the (numerous) surgical and cosmetic procedures the "ducklings" will undergo, with nearly no time spent on the psychological counseling and lifestyle coaching they are (purportedly) receiving as well. If you're going to change a woman's appearance so drastically that she doesn't recognize herself in the mirror afterwards, you'd darned well better be preparing her mentally for what that kind of change means and how to deal with it. Additionally, the girls just looked, well, overdone at the end of the show. I know they're supposed to be transformed into beauty queens, but they actually sort of reminded me more of drag queens because they were just so over the top. Perhaps that's what happens when you try to make a swan out of a duckling instead of just helping her become a healthier, happier duckling?
So, in addition to my philosophical musings on beauty in our society, I have also been doing some quality thinking about my own situation. While I watched these two women, who were not hideous by any means at the start of the program, pimping themselves for a new outer person, I started thinking about how easy, really, it would be for me to take myself from the place I am (where I'm not happy) to a healthier place. All that I have to do is eat less and exercise more. Simple. I'm here (fat, unhealthy, feeling lethargic and discouraged) and I want to be there (thinner, healthier, having some energy and some hope), and it's really so very, very easy to get there. I've done it before. I remember, very clearly, how it felt to watch and feel the pounds and inches melt off of me. Running on the treadmill, feeling light and strong, and laughing at the sheer joy of being able to move that way. What will it take to get me started? What will keep me doing it once I start? How will I start deconstructing my ideas of "happy", "healthy", and "thin"? What would make me happy (because we all know that being thin isn't the answer to that question)? Don't have the answers yet, but I really think that compiling all of the questions is a good first step.
Wednesday afternoon. I am shamelessly stealing this from Jennifer's site.
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.
"then click a button." - from "Welcome to Mac OS X"
Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
My in basket.
What is the last thing you watched on TV?
CNN this morning, just before I left for work.
With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The fan on my desk. My own typing. The printers outside my office.
When did you last step outside?
Went to the espresso cart with a co-worker about an hour ago.
Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
Jennifer's website.
What are you wearing?
Grey, knit, sleeveless top, herringbone long skirt, and black loafers.
Did you dream last night?
Not that I remember.
When did you last laugh?
A team member and I were joking about that FedEx commercial where the two drama queens are telling each other how they'll be "DOOMED" if they can't ship their package properly.
What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Poster of the wildflowers in Kaibab National Forest. A stuffed, winged cow. Bib numbers from races I've done recently. Humane Society calendar. Capacities spreadsheet printout for my department. An art project that Chris' daughter, the Sprite, made for me. Pictures of me and my family from college on. The invitation to the company's holiday party (2003). Pictures of me when I was thin and running 35 miles a week. Brooks running shoes poster. Team award from 2001.
I have a lot of junk in my office!
Seen anything weird lately?
I live in southern California. We have a much higher threshold of "weird".
What do you think of this quiz?
Fun!
What is the last movie you saw?
"Once Upon a Time in the Midlands"
If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
I'd check myself into the Lake Austin Spa Resort indefinitely. I wouldn't leave there until I was at goal weight!
Tell me something about you that I don't know.
My first job was at Disneyland.
If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I would ensure that anyone that wanted to work could find a job that would pay them at least enough to survive.
Do you like to dance?
Love it!
George Bush.
I avoid politics on my website, so I'll skip this one.
Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Either Madeleine Elizabeth or Marina Louise.
Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Wednesday morning. Sorry not to have posted since Sunday, but we had a little worm infestation issue at work and I've been out and about after work both Monday and Tuesday, so I just came home and crashed both nights. Nothing terribly exciting to report anyway, but I hate to just take off without warning.
So, the stupid worm thing has been really annoying. First, I got infected on Monday right after I got to work. I then spent most of the day cleaning paper off my desk (it was really clean for about a day) and fielding questions about a conference call I was hosting on Tuesday but which I couldn't send any information out for because my email was down. I eventually had to have my boss send out the call information, but she misspelled the email list so it bounced back, leaving almost no one with the information. Sigh. Adding to the fun, I had a meeting that went long Tuesday morning, so, by the time I was back at my desk, I had many frantic messages on my voice mail and several emails as well, asking about the meeting and how to call in. Fortunately, I was able to return all of the calls and emails in time for all concerned parties to get on the call, which went very well, I think.
Today, I have a process improvement meeting (which should be interesting), two one on one meetings with team members, and my team meeting. I need to put an agenda together for my team meeting (a new initiative we're trying, I'm not sure how well it's going to work for such an informal meeting, but I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt), sit down with one of my team members to get her up to speed on a project that I need her to roll out to the rest of the team, review some technical specs, and come up with a detailed agenda for the conference call I'm facilitating on Friday.
The call on Friday should be interesting. The attendees will be representatives of all of our competitor software products, and we're working together as an industry to set standards for implementation of a (fairly) new technology. Somehow, several years ago now, I was tapped to be the standards "expert" (although I call myself "Yoda"), and now I'm sort of the leader of this group, at least from the software development side of things. In any case, the call will probably have between 80 and 100 participants and will last no longer than 90 minutes. Basically, if I don't really watch it and keep the agenda on track, the whole thing could unravel and create a black hole of sidebar conversations from which the meeting will never recover. Better switch from decaf to full caf tomorrow morning!
Sunday afternoon. The oddest thing happened this morning: I slept until noon. Well, technically, my body thought it was 11am, but that's still wholly unheard of for me. I'm lucky if I can sleep until 9am most mornings, much less 11am. I don't know what's going on, but, obviously, my body needed a few extra hours. I have been feeling really loguey lately, so perhaps this will help me get some energy? Gosh, I hope so!
Not much else to say, honestly. Haven't done any housework (yet) this weekend. I did get my eyebrows done (bye bye Sasquatch!), and a manicure/pedicure, so I feel a lot more human now. I have a funeral to attend on Saturday for a work friend's grandmother, so I will need to wear stockings (it's in a small town in central California - very conservative!) and I was dreading it because I just knew that my horribly cracked heels would snag and make runs before I even left the house. Because the dry skin on my heels is Industrial Strength, it's not completely gone, but it sure does feel a lot better than it did yesterday. Besides, now I have cute little pink toenails! WooHoo.
Oh, and I did have a pretty exciting Friday evening. No, I didn't leave the house and do something sociable (please! You ought to know me better than that!!!), but I got a call from Shannin and we chatted for a couple of hours. You know how neat she sounds when you're reading her? She's about 10 times as much fun when you can hear her, too. Thanks for the sympathetic ear and great advice, Shannin!!!
Not sure what I want to do with the rest of my day. I simply must get some laundry done. Must. Or, I suppose, I could just go and buy more clothes...NO! Must get some laundry done. (Sigh.) And it's such a pretty day, too. Oh, well.
