I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
Friday afternoon. I found this article on MSNBC.com to be further reinforcement of my belief that the harder I fight to be "perfect", the more likely I am to blow it and fall off the wagon completely. I especially like the advice about allowing ourselves to have small portions of formerly tabu foods but not going whole hog and ordering the Super Size portion. I know that I've been guilty of that many, many times and it's just so self sabotaging.
I also like this article, also on MSNBC.com, which discusses the link between belief that you will be successful at something and actually being successful. Basically, I just need to repeat, "I can lose 110 pounds!", and, "I can run a marathon!" over and over until I convince myself that they're true. What things are you trying to do that you secretly have doubts about?
Friday morning. I've got another cold! I am so frustrated because I wanted to start the new year off healthy and following through on my resolutions for 2004 and, instead, I spent New Year's Day on the couch, under a comforter, drinking lots of fluids and feeling like poop. I know that this is, at least in part, because my diabetes is so out of control right now. My body is totally whacked because of the sugar it can't do anything with and that's impacting my ability to get and stay healthy. Did I mention how frustrated I am?
What to do when your Blogger entries make like Houdini and disappear
Wednesday morning. Hrmmm. I know that I posted an entry yesterday and yet, strangely, it is nowhere to be found. Blogger gremlins, I suppose.
So, I got another chance today to perform one of my favorite responsibilities as a project manager. I let four of my seasonal employees know that today would be their last day, although we'll pay them for tomorrow and Friday. I also told them that if they were to leave early today (like, um, anytime) and still enter eight hours for the day, that would be just fine, too. I hate that I can't give them more notice, so it seems like the very least I can do to let them have the rest of the day to themselves. It always amazes me, every year, how quickly we go from sheer insanity to nothing left to do. At this point, my team is 90% complete and that's just amazing. I have such great people on my team, for the most part, that it makes my job so much easier.
Alrighty, because this is the New Year's Eve Edition of "Do You Have That in My Size???", here are my resolutions for 2004:
1. Treat myself with kindness. Stop beating myself up over the smallest transgressions and start appreciating the good things that I do.
2. Treat my body with kindness. I'm killing myself (literally) with inactivity and overeating. I'm going to take little, bitty steps and hope that they will lead to a major life change.
a. Start walking at least half an hour, five days a week b. Start stretching with my new Tamilee Webb DVD at least twice a week c. Eat three fruits and two veggies every day
3. Find ways to stress less and relax more. I have lots of meditation CDs that I can use to relax with, and the stretching time should help, too. I just can't be this on edge constantly, because it makes me feel like an anxious little mouse, and that's not fun!
What it boils down to is that I need to spend more time focusing on, and taking care of, myself, and less worrying about things that I cannot control. Chris and I talked pretty extensively while I was there and he told me that the ring (did I mention how beautiful it is???) is there to show me that I don't need to worry about us and that I can put "us" on the back burner to take care of myself for as long as it takes. Chris, if you're reading this, you have no idea how wonderful your saying that is, how unselfish and how much I appreciate that confidence.
With that, I hereby declare 2004 "The Year of Me". Don't worry, I'll still be here for everyone else, too, including all of my wonderful online buddies, it's just that I need to put me first for a while. What a strange feeling it will be!
Take care everyone, especially those who are going out tonight. It will probably be an early to bed night at Chez Denise, so, if you're going to be partying, lift a glass for me, too. See you all next year!!!
Monday afternoon. Yes, I'm back. Sleepy, but back! Long trip, fairly uneventful, and I already miss Chris and the girls terribly.
Do you know that WalMart already has the Valentine's Day stuff out??? What is the world coming to when you can't even celebrate New Year's Day, MLK Day, Chinese New Year, and Lincoln's Birthday without wading through the saccharine stickiness of the Valentine's marketing machine? I know, I just got engaged and I should be filled with the spirit of romance and love in all its many, splended forms, and, I am, I'm just not so happy about being force fed the Hallmark/American Greetings version of it!
By the way, lest you think I didn't notice, thank you all very much for your well wishes on my engagement. My fiancé (I love the way that rolls off my tongue) is such a fantastic person and his family is wonderful, too, so I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world!
Alrighty, I'm off to get dinner and a warm bed. Play nicely, friends!
