I'm just your average, everyday, divorced 38 year old girl -- overweight, tragically unhip,
and trying to make a life for myself. I live with two furry beasts, Dave and Abby, whose
feline mission in life is to choke me with their fur. Nothing special.
If anyone is actually reading this blog, would you either email or comment? It's sort of eerie writing/talking as though there's someone else here when there mightn't be anyone at all.
There's no shame in admitting you're out of your league!
Saturday afternoon. Today's training walk with the Road Runners did not go well. I'm sure that part of it was the fact that I haven't done any walking since last Saturday, but it was compounded by the pace that the group leader was keeping. Our group's pace was advertised as between 16 and 16-1/2 minutes per mile and she did 15:51 a mile, which just about killed me after two miles! Then, when we hit a hill and she didn't slow down, I just decided to step to the side and let them go past me. Basically, to keep that pace at my height, I'd have to start to jog and I'm not going to do that. All that I want to do is finish, so I'm bailing out on that group and moving backwards. I don't know if I want to join the 17 minute group or not, so we'll see what I end up doing.
I've found several new, very interesting weight loss/healthy lifestyle blogs in the past few days and I'll be adding them to my list on the left. Strange, but I think I've finally found a "voice" for my journal because I can identify so well with all of these people struggling with the same things that I am, whereas I can only aspire to the "coolness" that most of the hip bloggers have. So, much like this morning's walk, I've decided not to even bother striving for hip or cool and just be me, extra 100 pounds and all! It's a very freeing feeling, honestly.
Weeks to L.A. Marathon: 26 Weeks until Christmas: 16 Activity today: 75 minutes/4.6 miles at Venice Beach
Thursday afternoon. Well, nothing of any real importance to write about today but I'm trying not to wait a month between posts, so here I go...
Today was all about meetings for me. I started the day off by giving the last of my annual performance appraisals (aka yearly reviews) at 10am, followed by a weekly one on one meeting with one of my team members at 10:30am. From 11am until 3:30pm, I was in one LOOOOOOOOOOOONG meeting to discuss a new product we might be participating in (excitingish, really). I am fed up with meetings! Well, that's all done and I'm feeling righteous and smug. (Yeah for me!)
OK, on the health front, the news is not so good. I slid right off of the nutrition, adequate hydration, and exercise bandwagon and am lollygagging in Slugville. I am not pleased with myself and am not sure how to snap myself out of it. I have to say that I feel much better knowing that Lori, of tales of a bathroom scale is fighting with the same demons because it doesn't make me feel as alone. Truly, many (most?) of my problems with my weight stem from feelings of lonliness and, consequently, my questioning my own validity as a person. You know, it just really infuriates me to think that this is still an issue for me at the age of (nearly) 36!!! I mean, I spent all of my adolescence angst ridden about being 125 pounds and now I'd kill to be that weight. I just want to scream and shout and pound something really, really hard until my hands hurt and then cry for a while. I am a good person, I am an intelligent person, I am a successful person in most every way that the world cares about...and I can't control my eating. I'm not going to solve it tonight and I'm tired, so I'm going home.
Tuesday afternoon. You know, this blogging thing is starting to make me feel the way that I used to in high school. I'm not one of the popular kids, or one of the pithy drama kids, or one of the jocks, or a goth/mod...I'm just, well, me. Of course, just "me" was never interesting enough to attract large numbers of friends (or, for the most part, any boys!) and it appears that it's the same thing now, too. Grrr. Of course, it would probably help if I had some kind of a theme for my ramblings, some semblance of discipline about posting every day, or, even better, something of significance to say every once in a while. I mean, honestly, would I want to read my blog most days? Nope!
OK, well, putting that aside for the moment, I had a fantastic weekend with C. Saturday morning we took off for Washington, DC, driving the length of western Virginia and arriving at the hotel about 3pm. I just love this hotel!!! C. says that he knows how Edward Lewis (Richard Gere's character from "Pretty Woman") lives, which makes me giggle and also very happy, because I was able to give him that experience. We got an automatic upgrade to an executive suite, which gave us a living room, bedroom, and indecently huge bathroom (complete with phone and TV). I hit the gym at the hotel for a 75 minute walk on Saturday night, which made me feel righteously happy, and we did lots of walking on Sunday while sightseeing, all of which are good things. On the other side of the equation, I ate lots of things that I shouldn't have this weekend, too, leaving me at the inescapable conclusion that I need the routine of my daily life in order to be successful with my weight loss and healthy lifestyle. This shouldn't have been an eye opener to me, and I'm very happy to say that I did a lot better with it than I would have even a month ago. No regrets or recriminations from here!
I didn't, however, take the many opportunities presented to me by the fact that we were together alone most of the weekend to discuss my concerns about C's lack of action on the areas of concern in his life. Well, we touched on all of the things that need to be done (as we usually do), but I didn't speak up and tell him that it really bothers me that he's not doing anything about any of them and just complains or refuses to think about them. This just doesn't bode well for a future together because I'm not terribly good at this sort of thing, either, and I just don't think that I want to be the one always making sure that things get done, you know? Relationships in general, and marriages in specific, need to be an equitable partnership and I think that part of that has to be taking responsibility for some of the required activities along the way. Of course, if I never tell him that it bothers me then I'll never give him the opportunity to take action and put them right, either. Hmmm...that's a pretty grown up thought and I think I'm proud of myself for that!
No activity yesterday (Monday) and nothing "official" on Sunday, either, although I did walk a whole lot outside (enough to make my whole body sore even two days later). As noted above, I walked 75 minutes Saturday on the treadmill at the hotel, so all is not lost. I just got an email from my pace leader for the LA Marathon training group and we're doing an 80 minute walk this weekend at the 3.6-3.7mph pace which might just "weed" me from that group. I'm not sure that I can do that much time at that pace. On the treadmill, I am only able to do long distances at the 3.4mph pace, so we'll just have to see. I don't want to kill myself but I also don't want to fall back into a slower group just because my legs are a little sore. We'll just have to see, won't we?
Weeks to LA Marathon: 26 Weeks until Christmas: 16 (oh my gosh...that is both way too soon and way too far away)
