Monday, October 11, 2010

Doing a bang-up job of posting more often, aren't I? Onward.

Have been in a funny old mood the past few days. TCB has been gone since Wednesday morning and I've noticed a feeling that I haven't really had since he was in Japan for two years: isolation.

I see high school kids hanging out in front of a store I need to go to and I turn around because I don't want to feel their eyes on me, judging me for my fat, for being frumpy.

I need to get things done, run errands, and I am - I'm actually being incredibly productive - but it just brings a sense of desperation that there's not more to do, more ways to distract myself.

Depression is such a horrible thing. Horrible. But I don't want to drug it away....I want to understand it, even to appreciate it for whatever lessons it can teach me. I need to take care of myself, to stop the judgments, to build habits and thoughts that will support the life I want for myself.

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