Thursday, April 29, 2010

Nothing is ever black or white

I received some really wonderful expressions of support after my last post - thank you. I also received some concerned messages from people worried that I was focusing too much on my problems and not enough on the good stuff in my life - thank you also.

Let me assure all of you - whether you wrote or not - that when I post here I'm doing a "core dump"...getting all of the craziness (or as much of it as possible) out of my head and on to the blog so that I can have some measure of peace. Detailing my disease helped so much that I cannot even describe it to you unless you've experienced it, too. I obsess over the details of daily life to such an extent that knowing I'm facing various obstacles having nothing to do with the food itself just makes me nuts.

Further, I am living a pretty spectacular life even while I'm working through the stuff in my head. TCB and I just took Alcott's 17 year old sister for a campus visit to UC Davis and oh-what-fun we had there - I am jealous! I have a Junior League event this weekend and am looking forward to a beautiful afternoon at La Jolla Cove. I have my veggie - and now floral, too - garden that I watch with anticipation, waiting for the first harvests.

Mental illness is just one part of my life, but it definitely IS a part of my life and one that I want to take some action on so that I can better enjoy the awesome life I am lucky enough to have. If it seems upon reading here that I'm obsessed with the binge eating, well, some days that's true but most of the time it's not. The fact that I'm fairly successful in the rest of my life actually makes it harder to deal with my "areas of opportunity" because I always expect Life to go smoothly and then am rudely surprised when they do not. I try to "solve" these things by myself because that's usually how I tackle things, but - as my husband shared with me only last night - life is not a project to be solved, with a well-defined schedule, scope, budget, charter, etc. and I need to either embrace that lack of structure or at least stop fighting with it.

p.s. There's a link at the bottom right of this page to "Like" my blog on Facebook. If you do that sort of thing, I'd be really honored if you'd join up. Also, if anyone has suggestions for things I could do with that Facebook page to add value, I'm all ears.

1 comment:

MargieAnne said...

Hi. What's a Blog for if you can't express yourself and you have a heap of stuff to deal with.

As I read all the things you are dealing with I couldn't help wondering if you have ever considered that some of your unwellness can be attributed to starchy carbohydrates such as common grains.

Please understand I am not trying to tell you I know better than you or your medical advisors. That would be idiotic of me. I just wanted to let you know that this idea crossed my mind, probably because of my own battles with starches. *smile*