Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Day 67 - Why I've given up my struggle against taking medication

I haven't posted in quite a while, have I? Darn, and I had every intention of starting back up with daily posting. Oh, well, life comes first.

Since I was last here, I visited with my psychotherapist and told her I'd reconsidered my aversion to taking antidepressants, to which she responded that she was glad to hear it because she'd intended to talk to me about them again anyway. Her feeling is that the extent of my problems (depression, binge eating, generalized social anxiety) is such that to NOT prescribe something to make me feel better feels irresponsible; I think she's right. I've fought with these dragons at least since my teenage years and possibly even before then. I'm 42...that means I've been dealing with this for about 30 years and that's just too long to be miserable. So she's sending a letter to my primary care physician recommending that I be prescribed Wellbutrin (because it doesn't make you gain weight), possibly alongside Zoloft if my serotonin level needs to be increased, and we'll continue therapy sessions, too. Who knows what will happen but at least I'm doing something to try to make things better other than simply wishing it were so.

In other news, I gained 1.2 pounds and 0.25" around my waist this week. Unsurprising, really, since I've been eating the equivalent of another meal every day as part of the joys of binge eating. Every morning I wake up determined to make something different happen and then every night (or really early morning, depending on when I go to bed) I find myself in front of some television program I'm not really watching and pushing food into my mouth until the noise in my head stops or the anxiety stops or whatever it is that I'm feeling - or not feeling - is satiated. Lord, is it any wonder I'm ready to give up my fight against medication? This is not sane behavior, people.

On a happy, final note, I did get my Gruve working with the help of the kind technical support folks who told me I needed to use IE instead of Firefox to download the software. (Wow, they really ARE a PC-only house, aren't they?) Now it's reset itself so that I can go through the initial week of it learning about my daily activity level, but I'm sad that I won't be able to obsessively check my "color" 15 times a day until after the initial week. [Don't forget that you still have time to get one of these nifty little devices for just $129.95 (they're normally $199.95). Go to www.Muve.Me and enter promo code BlogNGruve during the checkout process. Promo code is good until April 15.]

3 comments:

Anonymous Fat Girl said...

Denise, I've missed your posts but I'm glad you're back to it! :) I know it's hard when you get into a funk. I have no doubt you can pull out if it. Today's the day!

Cammy said...

I wonder if when you get this Gruve thingie going, you'll see a spike in your motivation? I'd probably be running everywhere, trying to make my numbers go up. :)

gingersnapper said...

Give it a try. You can always change your mind later, it's your choice.

I used to have a pedometer (remember Pedro?) but the darned thing never recorded accurately. I'd go on a 3-mile walk and return home to find that it said I'd taken 17 steps.