I had my appointment with my new eating disorder specialist on Wednesday and I think it went really well. She asked me questions that no one else has asked before and made me think about why I might be the way that I am. I have another appointment for the first week in April because that's the earliest she has an opening, so we'll have to wait to see where things go next.
My appointment with the acupuncturist is tonight and I can hardly wait. In addition to the emotional junk, my hip/thigh muscle is acting up again. This is the same thing that happened just before I walked the 3-Day back in November, and I'm worried that this is becoming a habit. I haven't been overdoing the exercise this week - just my normal 1-1/2 miles each day over lunch at work plus 90 minutes of yoga twice a week - so I'm not sure what's causing this pain. I might have to see if I can get a massage this evening as well as the acupuncture. (Updated: Yes, I have a 30 minute massage booked for early this afternoon...I need this pain to go away.)
I still don't know what to do about my weight loss (or lack thereof) and diabetes. I'm really leaning toward just focusing on losing the next 62 pounds - to take me to 80 total pounds lost and just being "overweight" instead of "obese" - without being obsessed with my blood sugar. What I mean by that is that I'll keep taking whatever meds the doctor wants me to take - duh! - but I'm not going to obsess over it and I'm going to prioritize it lower than just getting this weight off as quickly as I can. I feel OK (not great, but OK) about this because:
1. Losing weight will definitely improve my overall health, including my back and hip problems
2. I could probably do this by the end of the year, so we're not talking about long-term neglect
3. I totally ignored my diabetes for 10 years or so while eating like an idiot and getting NO exercise, so it's got to be better to be exercising regularly and at least improving what I eat
4. If I focus too intently on my blood sugar readings, it's going to seriously limit what I can eat, even healthy choices, and that just makes me feel panicky which leads to binges
I have an appointment to discuss my meds and my blood sugar with my doctor on Tuesday. Not sure how much of this I want to share with her because I don't want her going all "you know diabetes can kill you, right?" on me. Freaking me out with the whole diabetes booga booga thing is what derailed my weight loss train several weeks ago and I don't want to go there again. I don't know...I hate to be less than honest with her, though, because what's the point in that? I'll have to think about it.
In other news, I wore another pair of size 20 pants yesterday. Yes, the waist band was tight, but I could move and sit and bend over without pain - I even wore them for my walking! - and the legs were loose. Now, these are Land's End pants and I know they run large, so it's probably more like a size 22 in any other brand, but I'm still so excited. Perhaps more exciting is the fact that I wore size 10 underwear that had been sitting in my drawer for two years, unworn. They fit like a dream, as does their cute, matching bra (44B) and I can't tell you what it feels like to be able to wear pretty lingerie...*swoon* Also, I noticed in the mirror yesterday that my chest sticks out farther than my stomach now: score! I think I'm going to splurge on an all new undergarment wardrobe (other than the size 10s I just mentioned) that fit and make me feel pretty - yay.