I've been in an eating free-for-all for days now. I've been keeping up with my activity but in no way will that be enough to save me from the mother of all gains this week, but I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Part of me wants to say, "Crack down, get back at it...this weight loss stuff is serious business, girly girl," but then another part of me rebels and says that life is too short to be serious and uptight about food. And there has to be some middle ground. Yes, I'm diabetic and I do need to watch what I eat and probably keep track of carbs forever, but does that mean eating inside a little tiny box (both literally and figuratively) for the rest of my life? I don't want my food to come out of a box. I don't want heavy sauces on everything with every meal. Sometimes I just want to grill up some chicken, add some asparagus, and maybe some brown rice, and call it dinner.
I feel schizophrenic, like I can't make up my mind and just keep bouncing between ideas. But I think maybe that's healthy? Maybe I'm supposed to change up the way I think about eating as I learn more? I do know that the binge eating has got to stop - now! - so for the next few days I'm going to eat 1800 calories or less per day, keep my carbs to 230 or less per day/80 or less per meal, and work out for a minimum of 30 minutes a day (I'm hoping for at least 45 a day but 30 is my minimum), and we'll see how that goes.