I was going to write a funny post about how I think my feet have gotten thinner since I started eating properly and exercising, but then I checked my blood sugar for the first time in a long time in anticipation of my first doctor's appointment in seven years and darkness descended. There is a cold pit of fear opening up in my stomach and I can only be glad that I've absolutely no desire to fill it with food. (I even skipped my HMR Chicken Soup before dinner...God knows I don't need any more food in my body with blood sugar this high.) The number was bad. Really, truly, deeply bad. Scary bad. And I'd been so excited about going to my brand-new doctor to find out that my sugars are under wonderful control on this plan, but now I'm wishing I'd never scheduled the visit. I don't want to know. I don't want to hear the terrible news. I don't think I can deal with it.
I don't understand, though...I've been feeling so good, with so much energy, and not thirsty at all any more (I've been trying to force myself to drink water the last couple of days but not very successfully)...I thought this diet was working for my diabetes as well as the scale. If it's not - if it's making my diabetes worse (though how could it be worse now than when I was shoveling thousands of calories into my mouth in one sitting?) - then I'm going to have to stop it and then what? This is working, people, and it's the first thing that has in a really long time.
I'm so scared.