Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Day 24, 238 to go - This is not the post I'd intended to write this morning

I was going to write a funny post about how I think my feet have gotten thinner since I started eating properly and exercising, but then I checked my blood sugar for the first time in a long time in anticipation of my first doctor's appointment in seven years and darkness descended. There is a cold pit of fear opening up in my stomach and I can only be glad that I've absolutely no desire to fill it with food. (I even skipped my HMR Chicken Soup before dinner...God knows I don't need any more food in my body with blood sugar this high.) The number was bad. Really, truly, deeply bad. Scary bad. And I'd been so excited about going to my brand-new doctor to find out that my sugars are under wonderful control on this plan, but now I'm wishing I'd never scheduled the visit. I don't want to know. I don't want to hear the terrible news. I don't think I can deal with it.

I don't understand, though...I've been feeling so good, with so much energy, and not thirsty at all any more (I've been trying to force myself to drink water the last couple of days but not very successfully)...I thought this diet was working for my diabetes as well as the scale. If it's not - if it's making my diabetes worse (though how could it be worse now than when I was shoveling thousands of calories into my mouth in one sitting?) - then I'm going to have to stop it and then what? This is working, people, and it's the first thing that has in a really long time.

I'm so scared.

3 comments:

Sunny said...

oh God I'm so sorry. :( :( :(

gingersnapper said...

Simmah down, simmah down! These things can take a while - you might not see big results for a couple months. Your home test might have been inaccurate. There may have been some one tiny thing that caused a spike in your levels that you can easily eliminate. And if the worst does come to the worst, you are choosing between having diabetes while fit and active and feeling wonderful, and having diabetes while sedentary and unhappy. Your diet IS working.

Baby, you are doing the exact same thing I do, which is develop an entire scenario, up to and including your funeral, from one item. I wish I could loan you my husband to talk you down from the ledge, because he has to do that for me all the time, and I'm not as practiced at doing it for someone else. Just please remember that A does NOT equal B does NOT equal C; take this a step at a time and you will find ways to change and control what seems inevitable to you right now.

xoxo

AK said...

I'm not a diabetic but I do know that when it comes to medical stuff, you've got to take in the law of averages. Our bodies are wild and crazy beasts that flux and buck at the smallest things. If you want a true reading of your blood pressure / blood sugar / anything, it's best to take a reading a few times throughout the day. So, as a diabetic, if you're supposed to take your reading after meals, then do it for every meal until you see the doctor and then take all of the numbers in with you. Approach the problem as "I don't understand why my body is doing this!" and ask the doctor for help - don't look at his as if he's the "big bad wolf" coming to rip your head off. ;-) I know about scared when it comes to doctors but if your doc is any thing close to good, he's get all of your information (food/exercise/history/etc) and make the best game plan for you. Now take a deep breath, tiptoe away from the edge and get a glass of water.....

Anne
http://workingonafullhouse.com