Saturday, February 13, 2010

Day 21, 241 to go - And suddenly it's hard again

OK, I know it was unreasonable to expect that every day from now until my birthday would be easy-breezy simple and on program, but I really, really wanted it. (Imagine me whining at this point.) After I managed to get through lunch out unscathed, I eventually got home to take Al the Pug out to do his bathroom business before feeding him and then taking him for a walk shortly afterwards. That was the plan anyway. What actually happened was this...

I walked through the door from the garage and could immediately smell that something bad had happened in Al's dog crate. He was howling instead of his usual bark and that was a very bad sign, too. Turns out he'd had terrible accidents in there, making a terrible mess. I nearly cried as I got him out of there, leashed him up, and took him out to do his business legitimately. Once we were back in the house, I had to clean out the crate (while screaming with the disgusting of it all) before I could put him back in to feed him. It was approximately 5 minutes after wolfing down his dinner - while I was preparing my OWN dinner - that I heard him throw up in his crate. I grabbed him up, snatched my keys and phone from the counter, and ran over to the vet's in the car just before it closed.

Forty-five minutes later we were back on our way home and I just knew that I couldn't eat the wretched veggie stew with beef entree I'd been preparing when I left. Couldn't. Had to go out and get something fresh and yummy and not on program. I mean, I deserved it, right? Look what I'd put up with. Look how strong I'd been. All by myself and everything. But I ate it anyway. I spent most of the rest of the night looking for something else to eat...something that would satisfy my intense need to binge. I very nearly ate uncooked grains (we have lots of quinoa and brown rice in our pantry for some reason) I was so desperate to binge. I nearly did, but I didn't. I still want to and I still might, but I didn't last night.

When does this get easier???

4 comments:

running2me said...

{{Denise}} I'm sorry for your bad evening!!
I think you are right, times like this are going to happen and you need a plan B or C or D to figure out a good way to get through.

You are doing well--it's not a linear process!

Sunny said...

Hi. I'm new to your blog; how far into this journey, time-wise and weight-wise, are you?

I wasn't a big time binger; I was more of a continuous grazer eater. so I probably am not a good point of reference. I do think it was good that you realized your desire to binge was stress related, and you DID manage to overcome it last night. Focus on that; your success. Your newly found control. Each time you are successful, you build the foundation for your good health. You get stronger. Take each moment at a time when you are stressed. If you can, get yourself out of the house, and/or at least do something physical. Find another way to reward or soothe your stress away; take a candle-lit bubble bath. Curl up with a good book. Something, anything, that doesn't include stuffing your pie-hole, as it were. LOL Good continued success wished your way!

Anonymous Fat Girl said...

I'm proud of you for not binging. I am a recovering binge / emotional eater and I know how tempting it is to give into that when you have something stressful going on. You should be very proud of yourself for recognizing the situation, how it made you feel and the fact you didn't give into it. Good job! :)

MargieAnne said...

Congratulations. You survived a serious crisis.

How's Al today?