Tuesday, January 26, 2010

End of Day 3 - I WANT FOOD

Oh my Lord, I have no idea how I've made it through today without a major binge, let alone sticking to just the diet food. I'm tired (of not being able to eat real food plus just physically tired), I'm hungry (not physically, just mentally), I'm sad (because I can't eat to numb the way I feel), I'm stressed out (because several things in my life suck right now and I can't eat them away), and I feel completely on edge. I want to eat huge quantities of real Mexican food. I want to eat it until the grease piles up inside me to my eyeballs. I want to eat without thinking, without feeling, without anything...just mindless eating.

I do not want to drink another shake or eat another vegetable (but I did...drank all three of my required shakes plus I ate 7 servings of fruits and veggies, too), and I'd love to heat every single one of remaining diet meals and eat them one by one (they're actually not bad - I had 4 today, 2 are required the other two were bribes so that I'd drink the shakes). I did not want to go to water aerobics class tonight (but I did). I don't want to be sitting here whinging about how crappy I feel, but I am. God, I feel crappy. I feel craptacularly crappy. I want food. I want food. I WANT FOOD!

Day 3 down, 263 to go!

3 comments:

gingersnapper said...

Hang on baby, it's going to get better! Just pretend you're a morphine addict kicking the habit, it helps to romanticize your story.

running2me said...

Oh, Denise! {{{HUGS}}} this will pass!! Don't give in yet--get past this hump and the next will be easier. If this way of diet isn't working for you, perhaps tweak it so that you are more satisfied?? I'm sorry--I just want to help but it's all so personal that no one can say the right thing. I'm thinking of you just the same.
Melissa

neca said...

Good for you for posting! las tnight I caved and now I just feel crappy AND guilty. Sigh.