I've written here about the fact that I suffer from depression. I've also written about being diagnosed with compulsive overeating disorder and the feelings of panic that I have whenever I try to restrict my food. If you combine both of those mental disorders with financial problems, you get to where I am now: a fidgeting, compulsively itching all over, unable to concentrate on anything for more than 10 minutes, mess. I'm stressed to the max about not having any money, which (among other things) means I can't buy food to deal with the stress, which stresses me out even more, and so on and so on.
Why can't I be smarter than this? Why can't I stop spending money? Why can't I be happy just to be alive and lucky in love and employed and have amazing parents who love me no matter what and a beautiful, gorgeous house? I always want something more than I have right at this very moment...there's always something missing. I have three beautiful cats and I still want the one who's not here anymore. I have more clothes than any one person should have/need and I still pine for "just one more dress for work". I have an amazing, understanding, financially stable husband and I still want...well, I guess wanting him home isn't such a completely unreasonable wish.
UPDATE @ 6:15 p.m. on Tuesday: At Danelle's suggestion, I've listed four items to sell on eBay. If they all sell, I'll get over $200 which will come in very handy at this point. Also, my husband directed me to a money market account which had enough money in it to save my behind for a little while. (Don't worry, Honey, there's still some left in there. And wow, the teller was so super-nice when I told her that I was completely out of money with my husband somewhere in the South Pacific.) All of this is a round-about way of saying that I'm doing a little better than yesterday and thank you to those who took the time to write and encourage me - you guys are awesome.