Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Where I've been

No, I didn't fall off the face of the Earth, although I did sort of wish for that a few times in the last week. I had a procedure called root planing done last Wednesday and was completely out of it until Friday night. Hurt. Like. H-E-double hockey sticks. Still hurts a little but I can handle it without meds. Anyway, not much internet activity at all for me until today, so I'm trying to catch up with my regular reads. I've got Part II on Monday for the other half of my mouth so expect more of the same next week. (WooHoo.)

This is one of the less-pleasant parts of taking ownership of my body just as it is, and I'm actually pretty proud of myself for the way I've handled it. I didn't freak out at either of my previous appointments and I'm not freaking out too badly about next week's either (even now that I know how painful it's going to be afterwards). It's really about loving myself enough to overcome the mind-numbing fear...of my dental situation, of the colonoscopy and mammograms I've been putting off since my birthday last October (both on tap once the dental situation is stabilized - one terror at a time), of anything that might through the protective bubble of numb I'd established around myself. "If I don't acknowledge it, it's not there." The teeth that were nearly ready to fall out. The family history of colon cancer. The fat. Each seemingly unrelated but in reality tied together by the disconnect I had with my body. Loving myself as I am and not trying to change my body before I give myself permission to love means that I want to take the necessary steps to heal - mentally and physically - and that's a very good feeling.

"Dear Body, I'm really sorry I took off and left you alone there for a while. I'm back and we're going to get through this together, I promise. Love, Me"

p.s. Numb is not a good thing when it comes to feeling whole and connected to your physical self but it is a VERY good thing during a root planing procedure. Just FYI.

p.p.s. It is a very good friend indeed who will drive your drugged-out self to the dentist at 6:45 a.m. and allow you in their beautiful car afterwards even as you're drooling Lord only knows what out of your (numbed) mouth. I am blessed with such a person and I do thank God for him every day!!!

4 comments:

Nell said...

Im proud of you. It is NOT easy to endure such things that are so good for us. I am seriously putting off many of the same such unpleasantries.

Jenny said...

Good for you! I am doing similar -- going to the dentist after years of absence, going to physical therapy for an ankle that has been bothering me for months. Etc. It's a big step.

Dad24Cats said...

I think it takes courage to do it without your loving husband.

MARLA said...

I'm so glad you went! One thing I know is true: dental problems don't fix themselves on their own.

This is an important step for you and I'm so proud you took it!