Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Moving in the right direction, if a bit slowly

This isn't a linear journey. Even after I released my unrealistic expectations of my weight and body shape, I still held on to unrealistic expectations. I thought that the sight of my belly would automatically NOT make me cringe, that photos of me highlighting my chin rolls would be OK to display in my home or office...I'm supposed to be beyond that, right? Apparently, not so much.

What I've found is that I care LESS than I used to and I let the negative thoughts drift away without ruining my day. It's not that I love seeing my belly sticking out beyond my chest, it's just what is. For me, now, it's about today, this precious, fleeting moment, not some fantasy world where everything will be OK once I:

  • Lose weight
  • Can wear a size 8
  • Exercise XX minutes a day, every day
  • Stop eating*

Everything is OK now. My belly is OK. My chin rolls are OK. TCB's dusty bureau in our bedroom is OK. Imperfections are not only OK, they are to be expected. I still have moments of fighting that essential truth, but they are fewer and shorter than before.

So I'm giving myself some time because this isn't a race.

* I was going to add some of my favorite foods and then realized that it's really correct now.

1 comment:

kitty said...

I keep a HORRIBLE picture of myself right on my fridge door - normally I avoid looking at pictures of myself let alone DISPLAYING them - but I decided that this would be a good way of trying to get over that...

1. it is displayed (a huge step for me) and 2. perhaps seeing me there in all my fatness will inspire me to leave the door closed (at least some of the time) haaaa

it occurred to me when I hung it up that it's silly to avoid displaying pictures of myself in my own house... I am in my house... if people come in, they will see ME they don't need a picture to be reminded that I'm fat!! it is just me who doesn't want to be reminded...

I have to keep reminding myself that accepting myself as I am does not mean I'm giving up on trying to improve