Friday, May 09, 2008

And we're done

OK, I got it out of my system and I'm feeling much better today. Could that possibly have more to do with the arrival of Aunt Flo than any behavioral or environmental changes? Could be.

Several of you kind people asked about TCB and how HE'S doing. Imagine that...asking me to focus on something outside of myself! Anyway, I was really touched that you remembered him (even as his wife didn't). He's doing about as well as can be expected given that he's been away from home - except for a two-week vacation six months ago - for nearly a year now. None of his things with him. Sleeping in what is aptly called a "rack" (looks like a coffin to me). Serving duty more often than others who have family when they are back at their home port. He's tired, grumpy, stressed out, and still takes the time to send me an email just so that I have something nice waiting for me on a Monday morning when I get to the office. He had a wretched head cold last time I got a message from him, which sucks, and he banged his noggin on a bulk head last week but, other than that, he's physically OK. He wants to come home far more than even I want him to. I should remember that when I'm throwing myself around my beautiful, comfortable home in a fit of hystrionics over his latest leave being cancelled. I should really remember it all the time.

Oh and I need to clarify something about my last post...none of the people I was ranting about are online, they're all in real life.

Someone else asked about the validity of only military wives understanding what we go through. I know that civilians really, really want to understand the depth of the daily loss and grieving, but I have to say that I had no idea before I married TCB what military wives go through. I don't even have kids, so it's just me, but moving alone, Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's alone, anniversary/birthdays alone, Gray's Anatomy alone, it all sucks. A lot. It's not like when your husband goes out of town for three weeks with buddies to Costa Rica to go diving. It's not even like multiplying that by two years...it's exponential. It's all encompassing. You can go a couple of hours without thinking about it and then something will happen or you'll see a funny ad on the TV or your cat will do something cute, and you'll start to tell him until you realize he's not there. And the pain starts over again. (Seriously, you won't believe me because you have to experience it to understand, but it's like the movie "Groundhog's Day"...you re-remember they're gone at least once a day, more at the beginning. It's like ripping open stitches or rebreaking a broken bone. It never heals properly. Never.)

Anyway, although civilians can't know the depth of the pain (and seriously, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy), I cannot tell you how much it means when someone offers genuine support and kindness to one of us "left behinders". The kind lady at the Post Office who always thanks me for TCB's service when I mail him a care package. All of you beautiful people who sent my husband holiday cards. Those at work who consistently ask after his well-being although they've never met him and barely know me. Perhaps it's living in a military town that does it or maybe it's more wide spread, but it really does help to know that there are people out there who care.

[Funny note: TCB doesn't think that anything he's doing is a sacrifice and says the guys on the ship don't either. It's just a job to them. The Marines we know are the same way. Soldiers, too. I guess it takes that kind of mindset to be a career member of the military. Perhaps if I were a career wife of the military it would be easier.]

On second thought, I don't think I ever want it to become easier.

1 comment:

M@rla said...

On the previous post - I've never found that it helps anybody to minimize a problem by saying other people have it worse. OF COURSE someone always has it worse than someone else--that's irrelevant. We have to deal with what's in front of us.