Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Non-health related news

Wednesday night. Gosh, I miss my husband. I really, truly miss him so much that it's a physical pain when I let myself think about it. Mostly, I don't allow myself the luxury of thinking about it because I don't have time to spend crying like a madwoman. So many places to be, so many things needing to be done, only one me.

Then there are those moments when it's quiet and I'm caught unaware, and the grief chokes me like a vice until I can't contain it and it spills out everywhere, uncontrollable. I want him home, he wants to be here, and it's not enough. This will be our first married Christmas, our first Christmas of co-habitation (his clothes hang next to mine - that's close enough), and perhaps even our first Christmas in our new home...and I'll spend it without him. Worse, he has duty for Christmas Day, so he'll be all alone on the ship! Still worse is the fact that this is just the first of TWO Christmases we'll spend apart.

Part of why I've launched Love Your Body is because I know that we're losing these two years, and I just had my 40th birthday, and I don't want to be sick with complications of my diabetes when he comes home. Or taking medication from high blood pressure caused by my extreme stress, terrible diet, and lack of movement. I have finally found him - the man who loves me for me, unconditionally, and makes me stronger through his love and faith in me - and I want to spend as much time as possible together, so when I think that we might only have 20 or so years left (if I were to pop off at 65), I start to cry. I want more than 20 years! It's not fair!!!

So I guess perhaps this post is health related after all.

1 comment:

Kristi said...

Hi. I love your new blog setup. Did I miss your 40th? Sigh. I hope I didn't. Also, in my mind, posts about hubby are health related - mental health counts too. I am sorry you are hurting so badly. I wish there was something I could do. xoxo, -taylore