Sunday, December 23, 2007

Love Your Body: In memory of my grandpa

My grandpa died yesterday. He was 95 years old and, other than the last seven years, he lived life to its fullest. He survived Pearl Harbor and the stillbirth of a son. He retired three separate times because he just couldn't manage to rest on his laurels. He was a millionaire several times over and only ever invested in real estate because he didn't trust anything he couldn't touch and see. He ate health food and jogged way back in the '70s before it was cool. He learned how to set up an e-commerce website when he was 85 years old. He was my hero from the very earliest memory I have and I will miss him tremendously (although he's really been gone from us for the last five years).

Grandpa's death really started me thinking about my own life. I diddled away much of my life with insecurity and weakness of character and he loved me anyway. He always told me that I could do anything and that I was destined for greatness, but I never really believed him. While I'm not exactly full of self-confidence, at least I now have some, as well as some self-respect, and it makes me sad to know that he'll never know that I've finally found a good place. It's taken me 40 years to do it, but I think I've hit a sweet spot - however brief - where I can breathe and relax and be happy. Why couldn't I have done it sooner? Why did I make so many stupid decisions in the past? I don't have answers but I suspect that it has something to do with needing to go through the junk in order to appreciate what I have. I can only hope that my grandpa can see me now from Heaven, and that he's proud, too.

Rest well, Grandpa - I'll miss you always.

8 comments:

Mamacita (Mamacita) said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Your grandpa sounds like a wonderful man.

Bluegrass Mama said...

Denise, It sounds like your grandpa was a neat man. My condolences to you, and here's hoping you'll keep in your heart as inspiration in the days and years to come.

Better said...

Am sorry for your loss, Denise.

And hope you can have a happy holiday despite the sadness.

Thinking of you!

Shauna said...

Oh he sounded like a real gem. Big hug for your Denise, and wishing you all the best for the holidays xx

agategoddess said...

I'm sure he's very proud of you. One of the best lessons I've learned is to appreciate the hard times I went through before because had I not gone through them, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Merry Christmas my friend and best wishes to you and your family for a safe and happy New Year.

Trish said...

I am very sorry for your loss Denise.

Kristi said...

Awww Denise. I came here to wish you Happy Holidays and ended up tearing up at what you read. I am so sorry about your loss. I feel like your grandfather knew all along that you had that self confidence and self respect in you. He definately is watching down from heaven and he's happy for you and he's proud of you. Big hugs, Taylore

JessiferSeabs said...

I'm catching up on blogs a few days late here and am sorry to hear of your loss... your grandfather (like mine, ate 91), sounds absolutely amazing and like the kind of guy this world could use a lot more of...

when I lost my grandmother two years ago, it opened my eyes to a lot of things I take for granted every day. One of my immediate thoughts was "oh, she was so proud of me" and I took it for granted... sounds like you are having some of those same eye opening conversations with yourself.

XO,
jess