Sunday, June 04, 2006

A bed and a beagle

Sunday afternoon. Relationships are so complicated, aren't they? I announced that I was going to go home at about 10:30pm last night and I could just feel the pain and confusion coming from TCB. He asked if everything was OK and I answered that it was and that I was just too hot to stay another night at his place. It was (and is) the truth, but I could just feel the questions - unasked and unanwered.

I don't think I've ever written about this here, but I have a tough time sleeping at TCB's house. He's got a double bed and is a very warm sleeper, both of which make me get all fidgety and uncomfortable. In the early days, I'd start out in bed and either suffer through a sleepless, hellishly hot night or slip away to the couch once he was asleep. (I'd usually slip back in before he noticed I was gone in the morning.) Somewhere along the line, I just simplified things and started out on the couch in the first place. Now I know this hurts his feelings, but I suffer from restless legs and also cannot stand to be touched by anything (even my 400 tc sheets!) while sleeping, so I just don't know what else to do. When he comes to my place where I have a queen bed, it's marginally better, but there is still not enough space between us for me to sleep, and this has gotten to be a much worse situation now that I have no couch to slip up to. I'm going to have to keep the guest room bed made up when I know he's coming over. The only time I ever sleep well with him in the same bed is when we're at a hotel and have a king bed. Ahhhhh...the luxury of extra inches of freedom and space!

In any case, we went and looked at those "set your own number" beds yesterday and it was great. Our firmness settings are different enough that he should never wander over to my side unknowingly and the comfort level might keep me from feeling the need to toss and turn in the first place. (Now if I can only figure out how to make only HIS side of the bed with top sheet and comforter...heat = UGH!) It's more than we can afford right now, but I'll hopefully get a bonus in August and that will make a nice gift to our relationship, I think.

The dog referred to in the title is a baby beagle that we met yesterday, also while at the mall. She is a beautiful little girl with mostly black coat and a little, white triangle on her lower back. She was scared and sweet and cuddly and soft and we both fell in love with her. She's also $1,100, which we also cannot afford at the moment. She was so tiny that we're fairly certain she'd learn to get along with the kittens at TCB's house (now just about a year old) and we think the kittens would accept her because she's still smaller than they are and because she seemed very mellow and accepting. I think that, once TCB gets back from his next business trip, I'll find a way to pick her up for him and that can be his (belated) anniversary present.

In the meantime, I'm scared that our inability (unwillingness?) to communicate about the things that matter is going to be the end of our relationship. I'm certain that he sees my not sleeping with him as some sort of rejection (it's not, as I've explained to you guys, but I just don't think he believes me) and I can't shake the feeling that the lack of physical affection (no kissing, no hugging, no holding hands) between us is something I can't live with much longer. He's this wonderful, fabulous, loving man and I'm just so afraid that things between us are going to end soon and painfully simply for lack of communication.

If only it were as simple as a new bed and a cute dog.

6 comments:

Mother of Invention said...

Amen to that last sentence! If only! But I guess the things that are really important, are worth the great effort it takes to preserve them. Sounds like you realize this and will be making that effort soon. Better to get things delt with sooner...just maybe he'll understand that you can still have your intimate times, while respecting your need for sleeping the way you have to for physical comfort.

Things have a way of sorting themselves out!

Deb said...

A couple of things...okay well, three things...

1) I really understand your frustration, Denise. My ex-husband fell asleep on the couch every. single. night. and I was alone in our queen-sized bed until he woke up around 3 AM and got into bed. So basically, we weren't really sleeping together. That experience left me cold in more than one way. We divorced after 8 years of marriage. Speaking only for me (because I know many women don't feel the same as I do and have no problem sleeping in separate spaces)...sleeping in the same bed is a relationship must.

2) I completely understand the being hot and not wanting anything to touch. I'm the same way. Just because Scott and I sleep in the same bed doesn't mean we have to sleep all twisted up like pretzels. He likes lots of covers...I have to have AIR and lots of it lol!

3) We had the opportunity to sleep in a king-sized bed while we were on a trip last week and it was WONDERFUL!!! We both want one but there's not enough room in our bedroom.

Simply Joy said...

it's the same with my boyfriend, he gets extremely hot, and doesn't want to be anywhere near me. Hmm truthfully I use to see this as a huge rejection at first, it still gets to me at times, but I soon change my mind when it does, because he does get HOT!!!!!!!!! and since I can't stand the heat I get out of the kitchen, lol..

Suggestion, maybe you could somehow manage to put a bit of humor into the situation, i.e Together we're way too hot to handle, then laugh and move over, only to come back two minutes later and say, hmm my lips are cold, can I have a kiss please......... or can we cuddle till the ice cube melts, stuff like that. it then makes it less about you, less about him and less about rejection.

Lys said...

I've learned one thing when it comes to relationships - one day at a time. I've found that sometimes, if you put something negative out there - it comes back. You guys seem solid and that's awesome. Enjoy! Focus on the positive and you can do it!

Shannin said...

I'm a hot sleeper, too. I always have to have a fan on and the window open. I don't know about the number bed, though. I prefer a good mattress with a pillow top... Good luck with the dog decision. Beagles require a lot of attention and training...

brent said...

heh, i'm definitely the hot one..she's totally opposite. i've been wondering how this summer will go! winter was easier because i got cold sometimes too but now w/the summer, i'm hot all the time. so far the trick has been to turn up the (central) air, and give her all the blankets. hehe. i sure wouldn't want to sleep apart though and neither would she.