Friday, April 08, 2005

This just isn't working for me

Friday morning. I've tried, really, I have, but it's like when someone tells you not to think about oranges and suddenly the only thing you can think about is oranges. Not writing about something that is so central to my life (at least at this point in my life) just feels forced - forced and wrong. I have enough things to do without having to try to find things other than this struggle to write about, so I'm not going to fight it anymore.

I'm going to keep the comments turned on, too, and just ask that no one tell me I'm overreacting or minimize what I'm talking about here. You are all entitled to your opinions about what I write, but this is, in the end, my journal about my thoughts and feelings, so please respect that and don't tell me to, in essence, "get over it" because this is a fight for my life - literally - and it's very hard to want this so much yet not be willing (for whatever reason) to do something about it. I cannot say strongly enough how much this upsets me, and so you're going to read a lot of soul searching, a lot of questioning of why the suffering I'm going through doesn't seem to be enough to get me to do what I need to do. I'll ask you to please resist the urge to tell me that "it's all going to be OK" because I'm not sure that it will be and you can't possibly know that, either.

Finally, a small matter but one which is very important to me. I try to respond to each comment I receive, no matter how much it might upset me. This is something that's very important to me because, if someone is going to give of their time and thought to communicate to me, they deserve to know that I've received their comment and appreciate their effort. From now on, however, if you don't have your email address associated with your Blogger account, if I don't have it already in my archives, or if you don't include it in the body of your comment, I won't be able to respond to you. I've been taking hours every week to research email addresses for "no reply" and "anonymous" commenters and, while I will still read and appreciate your thoughts, I just don't have the time to spend digging around for a way to respond.

15 comments:

Kelly said...

I'm so glad you are getting back to blogging about what's important to you! Way to go!! =)

Mamacita said...

I'm here almost every day and I THINK I've always left my address. You always reply so I guess I have. And I think that is really, really kind and polite of you. But then, that's the kind of person you are!

Anonymous said...

Amen. Let this place be your soft place to land when you need it. Blogging ceases to be cathartic when we are stifled.
~danelle

lainb said...

and that's the way it SHOULD be...YOUR journal about YOUR life. the regulars CARE about what's happening in your life and anyone else doesn't have to even be here. it's so sweet of you to personally respond to comments too! :)

Mia Goddess said...

*sigh* This makes me happy. Give us hell! xoxo Mia

LibrarianOnTheLoose said...

Go Denise! Do what ya gotta do, and I will keep reading whatever is here, because you are a fabulous and fascinating individual!

ms ralph said...

Hi Denise. I'm glad to see you have decided that you will write about your weight loss struggles in here again, mainly because I really like having a window into your life. I've grown really fond of reading what you write.

You are also right that no one else can truly understand what it is you are feeling. I only hope that you will find what you need inside yourself and that maybe some of us can help influence that if only by encouraging you with kindness.

Shannin said...

Well, you know where to find me...
I will be here to celebrate your successes and give you a shoulder to cry on when things are not so rosy...

deb said...

Denise, this is YOUR home. You write whatever the heck you want to write. The heck with what people think or say. Kudos to you for establishing your boundaries :)

Boonzie said...

Denise in the hizzouse! I am so very glad you are back to writing about the very thing that attracted me to your blog in the first place. Oh, I'd have kept reading because you are so interesting, anyway, but this struggle I share with you, and it's nice to see you putting it back out there. And, you are too awesome for responding to everyone's comments. That is a lot of effort, 'cause Lady, you've got a lot of fans!

Silverella said...

And I just send you an email telling you I miss your writting about your dieting quest!! I am SOOOOOO glad you are going to share it with us again! I have been a bit :( when you decided not to, not only becaude I felt I'd miss on the inspiration I get from you on a daily basis, but because I felt this is such a big part of your life, like it is a big part of all our lives, that I felt you would stress yourself more to not write about it. Am I making sense here? lol

I love you and I am so looking forward to your next post!

Ms Gigglepuss said...

Wow, you are awesome to respond to everyone!!

I'm so glad you aren't censoring yourself anymore. If you can't write about the bad stuff on your own journal, where in the heck are you supposed to do it? And I'll resist being Miss Pollyanna and not be a gooey optimistic person...cause I should know myself that it just isn't the truth all the time :)

I'll be sticking around here through thick and thin!

Plantation said...

Ya know somethin' sweetie, if we wrote about how great our lives were and how happy we are, it would be boring. Life's a bitch and a struggle for all of us. Know that. Write on.

muttonfish said...

Write about what's important to YOU, Denise. You're not here to please any of us. And most of us understand that you are not exaggerating, blowing things out of proportion, or overreacting. My weight is like a pair of glasses that color everything else in my life. When the weight is bad, it seems that nothing else, nothing, can be good. That feeling is real. Many of us know that, understand that, and hurt with you. Feel the pain, write about it, and hang in there. You are beautiful.

Amanda said...

YOU ARE SO SWEET. I just wanted you to know I appreciate your replies and that is one of the reasons I come back to read. I like those who are thoughtful. I don't expect you to reply each time, but I want you to know I appreciate it.

Been thinking about you. Hope you are well and happy!!

xx island girl
agurney@clara.co.uk