Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Musings on men [UPDATED @ 10:26am]

[I have amended my early rant based on the feedback I received pointing out that I was making a sweeping generalization. In fairness to the many wonderful men out there who do communicate properly, please see the changes enclosed in brackets below.]

Wednesday morning. I do not understand [some] men. One would think, after 37 years on Earth, that I would have some sort of basic knowledge of the [other] sex, but it's been brought home to me, rather forcefully, that any such understanding I might think I have is illusory.

When [most] girl friends [are] unhappy with you, you'll know about it. Oh, it might take a little while for her to come out and tell you, but it will happen. With [some] ma[le] friend[s], you'll probably never hear from him again. What is up with that??? Hello? Do you not think I can handle the grown up conversation about what's bothering you? It's not as though we're dating or in love or anything like that, Dude, so get over yourself. Yes, I had a crush - so what? I get crushes the same way I buy new clothes: easily and with great frequency. There have only been two great loves in my life and you are nothing like either of those men, so do not worry about my being in love. I know what love - real, true love, not the casual declaration made in the heat of passion - is and I know that I reserve that part of myself for a man who earns it.

Someone needs to write a book on how to interpret [] silences because I'm sure there are more out there like me who aren't adept at knowing what the unsaid means. It is clear to me, once again, that I am not the writer for the job.

17 comments:

mrsmogul said...

You are absolutely right. If I could see old exes again I would punch all of them. They must have all gone to A-hole school. You'll find the right guy again.

Cori said...

Men are from mars. Thats the book. Can't live with them and can't live without them. Damn them.

poopie said...

AMEN sista! I don't understand 'em worth a dang.....especially that "never hear from them again" part.

Silverella said...

And we are from Venus...lol
I am actually sorry for most of them, in the nicest most compassionate way. Poor creatures have been brought up to play the tough part. It must be really difficult to learn how to and have to live with NOT showing your feelings. We are so much luckier. We are entitled to tears, giggles, silliness, all. Poor them must always behave!

Brooke said...

LAME. God, why are they so lame?!

Müzikdüde said...

Looks like you all keep finding the wrong men.

There are just as many wrong women out there for us.

If I have a problem with a woman whether it's my wife, my sister, mother, or friend...they will certainly know about it.

Not because I will act like a prick, but because we will talk about it. I can't handle being angry with someone.

I've also learned that when I'm angry with someone it's usually because I've misinterpreted something. People rarely set out to hurt those who are close to them. The problem with most people is that they're hypersensitive and take everything personally.

Since society teaches that guys are not sensitive, they have a difficult time expressing themselves concerning the things they are sensitive about. The tendency is to run from the situation.

Don't chase him. He isn't worth the effort.

Müzikdüde said...

BTW,
For all of you ladies:
It would probably benefit the human race if we quit making gender-specific blanket statements. That's half the problem between men and women.

I don't think we were MEANT to understand one another.

I don't try. I just celebrate the differences. The last thing I would desire is to be married to someone that thinks exactly the same way I do.

My wife is my counter-balance. I need her to keep me from going off the deep end and she needs me to keep her from doing the same.

I believe that's the way things were intended to work. We need to compensate for one another rather than trying to change each other.

Kelly said...

Men are just dorks! lol

Shrinking Girl said...

I think we are all dorks. I think that when we stop thinking of each other as different (genders) and just treat each other like people, things get easier.

Rusty said...

[Most] women that I talk to do not want to be treated like guys. In fact [some] get offended when you talk to them as you would [some] guys.

I think that [most of us] are all different, and that [most of us] do not need to really understand each other to get along.

I'm a communicative person though. I don't like talking on the phone for three hours, but when I do talk purposeful words come out.

That and I think [a lot] of girls just expect too much out of [some] guys. Perhaps [some of them] are not as deep as you wish they would be.

yvonne said...

Dating sucks. And when I was doing it on a regular basis I ran in to a lot of that mystification/smoke screen/compLETEly different language stuff. But when I met someone worth more than a couple of dinners out together, we were always on the same page. Call it timing, call it compatibility, whatever. If you feel like you're working too hard to figure someone out, you definitely are. I'm not saying a good relationship doesn't take work or time or that you shouldn't put yourself on the line at all, I'm just saying that the RIGHT relationship won't feel so much like work.

But boy howdy, did I get caught up in the illusion. A couple of very memorable times. I guess on the theory that if you have to work that hard it must be worth it? But honey, there's work and then there's WORK.

I'm old enough, and jaded enough, to be past the idea that there's only one right person out there for each of us. I think there are a lot of possibly right people, and that it's the ones that are almost right that get us most wrapped around the axle. And in the end, still aren't right enough.

My fitty cents. :-)

dayna said...

I think its not so much a guy/girl thing. If the person still wants a relationship they find ways to say what is wrong and attempt to resolve it. If the relationship is one they have decided they don't want to invest in, then why would they bother explaining what their problem is.

I like your site layout. Cool.
My one complaint is that its a it tricky to ready because the text is quite small and not very clear against the background.

Anyways, interesting thoughts.

Crazy Single Mom said...

I could have written that post, there are many men out there like that!!

Trish said...

Oooooooo, you could have been chanelling me there! That is how I feel about men. My exbf just couldn't or wouldn't talk to me...uggh I hate that! Annoys me because I do not have ESP and when I do know something is wrong and they say there isn't...annoys me even more.

Grrrr...men - can't live with, pass me another donut :)

Anonymous said...

I'm going to get all "Starting Over" on yuou and say it's time for a fierce conversation. Be bold, you have to. Your silence is your acceptance.

btw, I totally know what you mean about the comments thing. I will go days with nary a commment and think 'where the hell is everyone..' and 'gees a comment would be nice..'. It's a very abandoned feeleing isn't it?
~danelle

agategoddess said...

Eh, I say they're only good for one thing. And conversation it isn't. Personally, I'm all about the short term and lowered standards. The past year has taught me that when I look for more, it isn't going to happen.

Sorry to be such a bummer but, well, when you've had your heart fandangoed on as much as I have, you tend to get a little bitter and jaded about the whole process.

suzy snow said...

Hey girlfriend, I hear ya. The book you need to read, and I swear will have you laughing out loud, is "He's Just Not That Into You". It's harsh but very funny.

Men really aren't that difficult and neither are we, although I admit to feeling the frustration that you are and I am usually left wondering what I did wrong.

When I start to wonder a)Why I haven't heard from them, or b)Why I'm not good enough for them - I immediately try to refocus my energy on me. I think about things that I want to do, like projects, places I want to go or I call up my gf's and arrange a get together. The minute I get busy with me, and no longer care about them, things turn around. The silent wonder shows up explaining what it was that was keeping him away or quiet, or someone new and exciting enters my life.

I've been silent myself about things that have bothered me, and when asked point blank, I've chosen not to divulge. Usually I don't when I don't think the relationship is worthy of the bother. I can only think that perhaps he feels the same way. Sometimes things can bother a person, but they know that there is no way to change it, so they keep quiet. One example: My mother lives with me and can be a bitch to my bf's if she doesn't like them. My exbf would often get silent about my mother. He wouldn't tell me because in the end it would not improve anything. He would only push a subject that had no resolution.

Not sure if any of this helps, and I hope you are feeling better.