Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I have strayed from the path of righteousness

Tuesday night. Confession is good for the soul, or so they say, and so, reluctantly, I shall bare all to you - my faithful (three) readers: I have strayed. What started as a slight deviation from my eating plan over the weekend has turned into the beginnings of a free fall. It must and shall be stopped, and I don't even want to know how much hard-lost weight I have regained. I'm not beating myself up, but I'm through giving myself permission to loaf and be less than I'm capable of. This isn't about eating too much, it's about selling myself short and putting more value on a bowl of chili than on my health and well being. (Just to be clear, I am a whole lot more valuable than a bowl of chili, no matter how good!)

What needs to happen between now and March 8, when I leave for New Orleans, is a complete, strict rededication to my plan. I will not go to that business meeting at more than 200 pounds. It simply will not happen. It's time to get serious about this again and stop fooling myself into thinking I can eat like a normal person and not gain weight. Hello? Denise, you're not a normal person, you're a person with an eating disorder. You need to eat what's on the healthy meal plan and a nonfat, decaf, sugar free hazelnut latte - nothing else. Not a scone, not chocolates, not chili, not a turkey and pesto sandwich from Starbucks - none of the above.

I deserve better than the way I've been treating myself. I wouldn't put up with shoddy treatment from anyone else and I'm sure not going to let me get away with it, either.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

From Taylore: What the hell you are in New Orleans on March 8th and I leave New Oreleans on March 7th? WHERE IS THE JUSTICE!!! Any possibility you can change you plans? I might be able to finagle mine. Also, sometimes you just need to have chilli and pesto sandwiches. Plus from what I've been reading of leptin via Marla's site, perhaps it was a quick refeeding and it could be good for you? Who knows. I had high calories days Saturday, Sunday and Monday and have been feeling a bit like this post actually. I've decided to get right back on. Right now.

Bluegrass Mama said...

Good luck getting back on track!

I have been trying to eat healthier and watch portion control in the hopes of losing some weight, but it ain't happening. Once I lose it, it could help me maintain, but I'm afraid more drastic measures are callaed for.