Monday, January 31, 2005

When does "scary" become "challenging"?

Monday evening. Well, I finished my first class for GEN300, Skills for Professional Development, tonight. Wow.

I have to say that I've been having some pretty good panic attacks about this class for the last, oh, say, week or so, mostly because I just wasn't sure if I could keep up or (after peeking at the math assessment I have to pass in the next month and a half) if I was smart enough to go back to school. Thankfully, I calmed down, talked myself out of dropping the class before it even started, and decided to take it one minute at a time and stop freaking out about how enormous it was.

I remembered how terrified I got about midway through my CASA training because I was overwhelmed with the enormity of what I was doing and what was required of me, and had convinced myself that it was too much and that I wasn't good enough/smart enough/strong enough to do it. Well, guess what? Not only was I strong enough, I finished the training, graduated with pride, and now I'm helping to make a 13 year old boy's life better. If I'd allowed myself to follow through on my desire to drop out when it got "too hard", I'd have missed out on something wonderful and so would Alcott. The same thing is true of school. I'm scared, yes, but I'm excited, too, and, frankly, I don't think I'm the smartest girl in class, but I'm not the most clueless, either, and that's just fine with me.

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