Sunday, December 26, 2004

A few of my favorite things

(Really early!) Sunday morning. I had the best Chrismtas! Yes, I know that everyone says that, but it's really true in my case. I feel as though I'm just starting to come alive, experiencing and appreciating the wonderful world around me.

The holiday started with a 10pm concert preceding 10:30pm services at church on Christmas Eve. In addition to our wonderful choir, they brought in a harp and string quartet, and it was just magnificent. "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord" indeed! Christmas morning saw me motoring north a little ways to go to a Catholic church at which my friends Tony and Karen were playing piano and singing (respectively) for 9am services. Again, just beautiful. (One of the benefits of being Anglican is that you can "pass" at a Catholic church. I do so hate standing out!) After church, Tony, Karen, and I went to Milton's Deli (the only place open - "hello, Starbucks??? Do we not need caffeine and scones on Christmas Day, too?") for breakfast, sharing lots of stories and laughter. Although I was invited to Tony's sister's in-laws' house for the day, I chose to go home and "celebrate" with the cats. Primarily our celebration consisted of a lovely nap for all three of us in the sun, and that was just what I wanted! When I woke up, it was off for an hour long brisk walk then to the 7-11 for water, Baked Doritos (the Christmas dinner side dish of champions!), and lowfat yogurt Cherry Garcia. Mmmm. (Don't worry, I had proper serving sizes of everything.)

As I walked, I thought about how happy I was and tried to put a finger on what, precisely, was providing the glow, and I realized that it wasn't anything (or anyone) tangible, it's Life itself that's making me happy. I looked up at the beautiful, full moon, partially obscured by a thin veil of mist, and found what I was looking for. I'm feeling things now, that's the difference. OK, most of you are probably nodding along right about now, saying "wow, that's neat", but there are at least a couple of you out there that I know understand the enormity of what I just said. For the others, let me try to explain.

For years - most of my life, honestly - I overate in order to numb myself from feelings I didn't want to deal with. In so doing, I not only wiped out the uncomfortable feelings, I completely anesthetized myself to everything around me. No strong feelings of any kind - good, bad, or indifferent. In stripping away the layers of fat and resisting the urge to binge myself numb (it's only dormant, never dead), I've also removed the block on my emotions, and they are coming back to life. Happy, sad, angry...everything's there for me to experience again. Scary? You bet! Invigorating? Without a doubt. So, you can understand why I say with conviction that I got the very best Christmas present ever without Santa having to lift a finger and the only person I have to write a thank-you note to is, well, me. I shouldn't be surprised, though, because, after all, Christmas is a time for miracles.

Merry (belated) Christmas to all that celebrate it and it's on to the New Year!!!

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