Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Here, there, and everywhere

Tuesday morning. I am so scattered right now. I feel pulled in about 100 directions and, as a result, am apparently unable to concentrate properly on any of them. Work is just exploding with great opportunities to show how clever I am, if only my brain would engage. I've also got my beloved short-timer employee, with whom I am now meeting every morning at 7:30am (yes, they still do 7:30 in the morning) because I'm afraid he's not getting anything done otherwise. Then there are the fun things, the things I want to do for me, to help me enjoy my life a little more. Things like writing a one page biography to attach to an application to become a court appointed child advocate, which you wouldn't think I'd have a problem with but which has been helping me along to the nervous breakdown/panic attack that I know is right around the corner. Bottom line, I think, is that I don't handle multiple, large demands on my time well.

I think I might have a mild form of adult ADD and I know that I am, typically, a terrible procrastinator with projects that are long-term commitments, so the feelings of helplessness (not justified, I know - I can fix this, I just seem unable/unwilling/powerless to do so) that facing all of these things at once brings to the surface make me just miserable. Thank goodness I've got my walking! I know that most people listen to music or books on tape or something like that while they walk or jog, but I don't. I just walk and let my mind ramble. I don't try to stop the (completely random) thoughts that fly through my head, I just let them go without paying much attention to them unless something really piques my interest. Can I tell you how relaxing that is? Normally, I have to subjugate my unruly thoughts and distaste for concentrating on one thing for more than a few seconds, otherwise I'd never get anything done. While I walk, I can just relax and go with it.

I'm also really happy because 60 minutes (around 3.5 miles) of walking every day is becoming second nature for me. I vary the speed (between 3.4 and 3.8 mph) but the route is always the same because I've got mostly hills around my house and I don't do hills, so that severely limits where I can walk for an hour. I'm mixing up my walking with Leslie Sans0ne tapes (30 and 45 minutes) just to keep my muscles guessing and keep some variety in my life, and, in a couple of weeks, I'll begin my 13 week walk to jog program, which I'm really excited about.

Running is what I really want to be doing and I know I'll be a whole lot happier once I am. The weight will come off faster, which is a nice side effect, but the main thing I'm looking forward to is the feeling of lightness, of grace, of power that I had when I was running regularly. I'm getting more used to walking and have nearly overcome the feeling of slogging through mud as I walk and visualizing a lumbering elephant with each step, but I still don't like it. I will, however, keep walking in the mix of activities even once I start running, because I think running five or six days a week is probably not a good idea given my age and weight. Running four days and walking or aerobics one or two days sounds like a good mix. I also bought a bike pump at the store last weekend, so I ought to be able to get out and bike again, too. The problem that keeps me from becoming an avid bicyclist is, as I mentioned earlier, my house is on top of a hill and there's almost nowhere to go that isn't hilly. When I say "hilly", I'm talking like 6% grade, so it's not gentle hills, it's like Buckaroo Bonzai on the way down and "get off and walk" on the way back up. I have to stop when I walk up those hills, much less jog or bike.

Oh yeah, and, if anyone would like to write an interesting biography that will make a public service organization feel compelled to choose me as a volunteer, drop me a line.

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