Monday, August 16, 2004

With no discernable purpose

Monday night. So, I got my annual performance appraisal today and, shockingly (to me), it was quite good. As a matter of fact, there wasn't anything negative in it! There were, however, lots of good things I'd done that I'd totally forgotten about and, if I'd read this review and not known whose it was, I'd have been impressed. Wow. My managers (present and immediate past, because we switched a few months ago) both cautioned me that I needed to guard against overcommitting myself because I've got some really big, really high profile projects on my plate right now and I told them - and it's true - that I'm scared and exhilerated at the same time. If (when?) I pull this all off, it will be like one of the toughest and best things I've ever done. If I can do it with style, panache, and a little bit of attitude, it will leave others (Team member number two, this means you!) trying to ski in my wake and I'm strangely pleased with that idea. I don't just want to do "OK" anymore, I want to kick some serious a**.

Of course, being me, I'm not just trying to do my best and be satisfied with that. I have decided that I've been coasting on my keyster for way too long, denying my potential, my intelligence - my abilities in general, to be honest - and I think it might really be time to kick it up. I have been wanting to get my MBA for a long time. The company will pay for it, I don't have anything better to do with my evenings, so why not? I'm still planning to run a marathon next year - not walk, run. It might seem like I'm biting off too much but I feel as though I've low balled myself for such a long time and my laziness has grown strong and bold as a result. School would be done at night and on line, so it would work with my job, and the marathon preparation will only have one long run a week, so that's not too bad, either. I don't know, I could wuss out on any or all of this at some point, but it just feels really good to be positive and energized for a change.

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