Wednesday, August 18, 2004

If I were Queen for just one day

Wednesday afternoon. I don't want to be a grown up anymore. I know that I said I was looking forward to new challenges and pushing myself to my full potential but I've changed my mind. What I really want to do is sit down on the couch, wrapped up in a soft blankie, and eat lots of numbing (and nummy) food. No, it's nothing horrible that's happened, it's just a hard day in the middle of a busy week after a week with no sleep and I'm ready for it to be finished.

I've given two of my four reviews and, surprisingly, both went really well. One was going to go well no matter what because she got a higher rating than she expected, so no surprise there. The surprise came from my (former) challenging employee who got a "meets expectations" rating which, although expected and foreshadowed for at least six months now, is never something an employee enjoys. Instead of fighting me or denying or arguing, she expressed disappointment with herself and then agreed with the content of what I'd written. Wow. Coulda knocked me over with a feather! I guess all of that "continuous coaching and feedback" stuff really works.

So, on to the really big confession: the Ten Percent Challenge has fallen into a ditch and can't seem to get up. (Pull up a chair, kids, this one's going to get involved.) It all started the week before I left for Portland. I was so busy with stuff for work that I didn't work any walking into my schedule at all. None. I was, however, still eating my healthy meals. Then, Portland. No exercise other than back and forth between conference rooms and bars. Eating junk, including chips and salsa Thursday night. Alcohol - lots. Water - none. Bad. Nothing else to be said. I came home full of remorse, resolute that I would detox my body over the weekend and then get right back to where I was when I was successful and on the road to better health. What has happened instead? Exercise - none. Water - very little. Junk food - some, which is too much. Quantity of food eaten - way too much. Weight gained since I left for Portland - 7 pounds and counting. Seven pounds. Do you know how hard I had to work to get those 7 pounds off of me??? Sometimes, when it's very quiet, I can actually feel the layers of fat reforming around my body. Heck, my waistline's probably increased by several inches while I've been typing this entry. Frustrated? Why yes, I am.

I wish I could wave my magic wand and be back on August 2nd when I first decided to skip "just one" walk because I was too busy. Seven pounds is not worth anything that I ate, anything that I drank, or all of the fun that I had. You're not traveling any more, Denise, and it's time to come back to reality. If I don't, it will be back to tight clothes, no pride in myself, and yet another failure under my belt. The decision is mine.

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