Tuesday, July 06, 2004

So much time, so little (of any importance) to say

Tuesday afternoon. I actually got up, ate breakfast, took a shower, and went to work today. Most of you are probably saying, "Yeah? So what? So did I!" Don't forget, though, I'm on vacation right now. Ha! No, I'm not some freak of nature that can't leave work at work when they're out of the office, I just had several things that I knew needed to be done and couldn't wait until I got back into the office, so I went in for a couple of hours and took care of them. (Besides, one of my team members has a birthday right after I get back, so I took a card in and put it in another team member's office so that it can be circulated before the big day, and I wanted to drop a personal note off for the new team member whose first day will be while I'm gone - if I can't be there in person then a handwritten note of welcome seems the least I can do.) I am now feeling smug and satisfied. Honestly, really smug. Is this how people who don't procrastinate and actually get things done long before the deadline feel? I like this much better than stressing and worrying and then working like a fiend, so perhaps it's time to reconsider the whole "put it off until tomorrow" world view?

You know what makes me really angry? Men who "fall out of love" with women who gain weight, that's what. I'm sorry, but Love - real, honest to goodness love - doesn't depend on the size of your butt or your waist or your bust. Love is all about finding someone that is yin to your yang, whose annoying habits make you laugh, and someone who makes you want to be a better wo/man. That's love. The fact that she looks awesome in a sweater or that when he wears 501s he makes you swoon is a nice bonus feature, but, and here's the big thing, that's not love. Besides, in 20 years you're both going to change pretty drastically and, one would presume, you'll still be together then because you're in love and that's sort of the point. This tirade applies in the opposite direction, too. There are some men who love larger women, and, if they really love you, it shouldn't matter if you lose weight after you're dating, especially because it's better for your health and they should want you to be healthy. [Please note that this isn't about me or anyone in particular, just something that's been on my mind for a long time and decided to come out today.]

Today marks Day 31 of the TPC and I'm still right on track. My walk last night seemed strangely easy, even though I went just as far as I did on Sunday when it seemed like the biggest drudge ever. (Meta could be right when he says that my body is going to adapt to the demands I put on it.) I don't want to seem blase about it because I'm still pretty stunned at how well things are going. My pre-meal blood sugars are around 120 and my two hour post meal readings are between 130 and 150, which is not bad considering that they were over 200 not that long ago. I still have lots of work to do, but it's very satisfying to see the progress I've made and continue to make. I really think that the difference this time is my focus on my health, rather than the need to lose weight to boost my self esteem. I'm working on improving my body image and esteem separately and trying to detach them from the size of my body, so as not to confuse the issues.

I'm grateful for so many things right now. My health, my job, the great people I work with, my family, my relationship with God, my house, my beautiful bed and luxurious linens, and the flowering plants on my balcony are all things that I'm very thankful for. What I'm most grateful for though is friendship, both on and offline. To know that people care about what happens to me and to be able to care about them in the same way is one of the greatest blessings ever and I'm so glad to be able to celebrate that.

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