Sunday, April 25, 2004

The morning after

Sunday morning. To quote Sheryl Crow, "God, I feel like Hell." I woke up feeling sluggish, slightly nauseated, but absolutely certain that one binge isn't going to knock me off of the path I want to walk.

Just to help me focus on what's important, here's why I want to gain control of my binge eating (in no particular order):

* I want to lose weight. Seems pretty obvious, but you don't actually have to lose weight in the process of stopping your binges. In addition to not binging, I am also restricting my calories so that I will lose weight.

* Binge eating is terrible for my self esteem, which is very small and weak anyway, so I need to do anything I can to help it along.

* I am a diabetic and I shouldn't eat a ton of calories all at once. I shouldn't eat a ton of calories ever, but definitely not in a 20 minute span of time. Losing some weight would definitely help this, too.

* I don't like walking. Walking makes me feel slow and ungainly. I am forced to walk for exercise right now because my weight would put too much pressure on my joints if I were to run. I only need to lose about 30 pounds before I can start a walk to jog program and, if I can get my eating under better control, that would be about three months away. I could be running by September - heaven!

I do realize that the binges are merely an outward manifestation of something going on inside me and that I have issues to deal with - they won't magically go away. I am working on the inside, too, it's just that you can't see the progress as easily, only the road I still have to travel.

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