Tuesday, April 08, 2003

Tuesday afternoon. I had every intention of posting each day and yet, alas, it's been since Friday. Really? Friday??? Oh well...perfection is boring anyway!

I feel so positive today. No idea why. It's not as though I've done anything about so many of the things I procrastinate on (other than the fact that I made a doctor's appointment for a complete physical later this month -- first time since 99!), but I just feel a lightness of spirit. I don't know that the tumbling thoughts have stopped, in fact, I'm fairly certain that they haven't, but I think, perhaps, that they're starting to come together and surface into my consciousness, where I can do something with them. In any case, it's nice to not be a total bummer every day, you know?

The lightening of my mood might have something to do with the fact that this is day 6 for me of eating properly and exercising adequately. Cameron (aka Trainer Hottie) always says that the way you eat affects your energy and your moods and, as usual, he's right. Well, when I say "as usual", I'm only talking about the health related stuff. Cameron is a goofball about stuff other than health but he's so sweet about it that I just giggle. I am so incredibly sore today. I don't know if it's from the workout yesterday with Cameron, all of the walking I've been doing (45 minutes a day) or The Firm workout I did on Sunday night. My inner thighs and hamstrings are really painful whenever I get up, sit down, or walk. That pretty much leaves only sitting or standing perfectly still.

I can't wait until I get the new blogging book that I bought so that I can do creative things with this site. I want to be able to have people post responses to things that I've said, and have links to things that I think are neat-o, and stuff like that. Of course, I don't know if there will ever be anyone reading this, so I could just be doing it for myself. Nonetheless, it would be pretty for me and that's a good thing! LOL.

A few days ago, I told my Navy e-mail penpal that I'd take him out to dinner for steak once he gets home from the Gulf. I even offered that he could bring a friend with him, just to make him more comfortable with the idea. I've organized a microwave popcorn drive for my other penpal (shipped out 550 bags last week), but this penpal says that he doesn't need anything although the food on ship is pretty wretched, so I thought that, as a way of expressing my thanks for what he's doing, I'd offer to take him somewhere wonderful once he gets home. I am quite certain that I had no ulterior motive in offering this (I've analyzed and re-analyzed my thought patterns and there was definitely only the idea of giving him something nice and, perhaps, making a new friend) and yet in his response he asked if this was just a friendly dinner or if he should dress to impress. My first response was just to laugh. He's 24 years old, for goodness' sakes, and I'm 35. This can't possibly be anything more than just friends. I started out our correspondence with the pronouncement that I'm much older, old enough to be his older sister, blah blah blah and he just responded that he liked older women (yikes @ being the older woman now, btw!). I laughed it off at the time but when I read his response about the dinner, I suddenly started thinking that perhaps a nice dinner with a sweet guy (and he is very sweet) wouldn't be such a bad thing. (I know, probably the first step of many that will lead to a not-entirely-positive ending.) So, I said that we'd have to see how dinner would end up but that we should assume that it will just be friendly and then see if either of us is interested in something more. What am I thinking? Am I crazy??? Then, to compound the sin (deliberate word choice, btw), I sent him a picture of me, which I hadn't previously done. Now, part of me was thinking, "maybe the picture will scare him off and then I won't have to think about it anymore," but another part was hoping that it wouldn't because I would miss our correspondence and his companionship. Yes, I know, he's halfway around the world, but it really is nice to have his e-mails to look forward to. (Don't get me started on what that says about my "normal" life. I need to get out more...I know, I know!) So anyway, not only does he not run screaming, but he thinks the picture is "cute" and asks for more. I am stunned. As I sat at my computer last night reading his e-mail, I was laughing hysterically. I did send another pic, as requested. This one was of me in my Angels jersey last December and is sort of cute, I think. Nothing from him today yet and I'm curious to see what he has to say. My therapist would definitely not be pleased with this development AT ALL. Big sigh. I know it's sort of defeating the purpose of therapy to hide things from her but I just don't think I want to hear what she has to say about it right now. He's far, far away (for how much longer? Not sure and am scared to ask because I need to lose a WHOLE LOT MORE weight by then, my friends! LOL) so there's nothing really going on, she says to herself as she takes the first few steps on the road to Hell. I know it's possible that this might not end in fiery flames but with my track record and the age difference and the fact that I know nothing about him personality wise...well, if you're playing the odds, bet against.

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