Friday, April 11, 2003

Friday morning (barely). So much for daily postings, huh? Oh well...not like anyone's reading it but me so who cares!

Guess what??? I lost 4 pounds this morning!!! YaY 4 me! After 8 months of nothing but gaining, to see the negative sign in front of the "change from last time" indicator on my scale was SUCH an awesome feeling. By my birthday I should be halfway to where I want to be. I know, it's a long way from here to there, but I've got hope and "in the presence of hope, anything is possible".

Did I mention in my last post that I'm organizing people at work to send quart-size baggies full of stuff to deployed soldiers/sailors? There's this group that has a deal with the military to send out boxes full of these baggies so that people who are stuck in God-only-knows-where can have stuff from home. I think it's a neat idea and my therapist (Dr. Karen...what a hoot she is!) thinks so, too.

Do we need to talk about Dr. Karen and I and what I'm trying to do in my meetings with her? Probably wouldn't hurt. I'm supposed to visualize how I want my life to look once I'm done with therapy, so why not use this space to do it? Dr. Karen has really helped me see that I need to work on my isolation from the world and gives me some really great suggestions on how to deal with the anxiety I have when I think about doing that. The weight thing is just another symptom, I think. The weight helps isolate me because of the stigma attached (whether real or just imagined in my mind) and because I can say to myself, "I'm too fat to do that". Some part of me (actually, more and more parts of me every day) realizes that once I get out and start getting involved in the world that the weight will cease being an issue and that, once I'm more active socially and physically, I'll be more likely to run into men that are of the caliber I SHOULD consider dating, rather than the pond scum I run into online. (Note that I'm not saying all men online are pond scum, just that I seem to attract/be attracted to those that are.) So, I'm trying (with a little bit of success) to get involved in church again. I'm even considering taking confirmation classes, even though I'll be the oldest person in there by a factor of 20 years! LOL. Of all the things in the world to hold onto, my religion seems to me to be the one that is the most stable and will bring me the most fulfillment and happiness. Now if I could just get my lazy, anti-social butt out of bed on Sunday mornings. (It's not really that I'm anti-social, more just social-phobic. Is that a word???)

Anything else? Oh yeah...if I don't do my laundry this weekend I will, literally, run out of clean stuff. When you've got as many clothes as I do, that's an accomplishment. Not one to be proud of, but an accomplishment nonetheless. Besides, I need to get that out of my hair so that I can focus on the rest of the house. Yikes! You'd think that someone who isolated themselves as much as I do would keep a spotless house but you'd definitely be wrong. Need to do something about that, too. Just add it to the list!

Enough for now, methinks. Time to earn my keep.

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