Saturday, April 12, 2003

Another Exciting Saturday for Denise!

Saturday morning. I've already been to the recycling center and Post Office, so the day is starting off more productively than usual. What I'd like to get accomplished today is complete vacuuming of the entire house, complete dusting of at least the upstairs, both bathrooms cleaned and disinfected, and all of the laundry done, folded, and put away. If I can manage to get the ironing done and drop off my dry cleaning, too, that would all be icing on the cake of today. With all of that behind me, I can work on the downstairs tomorrow, including going through my closet with a machete and dumping a bunch of stuff. Why do I feel compelled to share this? Who knows?!!

Gosh, I really wish I could do neat-o stuff with this page. I want to have a guest book and I've even signed up for an account but I don't know how to make it show up on my page. I inserted the code into my template but it doesn't show up. Perhaps it's just as well, frankly, because it's not as though anyone is reading this, so what would be the point. Hopefully that blogging book I've ordered will have ideas for drawing people to my site. Of course, wouldn't it be nice if I wrote something that someone else might be remotely interested in reading first? LOL

What I really want is this: a clean, orderly house and thin(ner), healthy body so that I can (finally) focus on the important things in life instead of simply the stupid minutiae. Again and again I come back to the fact that if I died right now, there would be nothing at all to show that I'd ever lived, other than the incredible mess of my house. I will not allow that to be my legacy!!!

Then there's the Navy penpal. Let's call him by his first initial, shall we? I think that, after where our conversations have gone this week, he deserves (at the very least) that consideration. So things between S and I have really changed in the last few days. From my being the older, wiser woman, I feel as though he's got the upper hand and is the grown-up now. How on Earth did that happen??? He's already figured out that I have terrible self-esteem issues (wow, most men don't figure that out until a second or third date so he's either really perceptive or I'm worse off than I thought) and is planning ways to "fix" that and has matter-of-factly addressed my weight problem as if it were just a blip on the radar screen that will be dealt with easily once he gets home. I cannot possibly let a 24 year old come into my life and fix it, can I? What would it say about me if I dated someone that much younger than me??? On the other hand, why do I care what anyone else thinks if it is right for the two of us? (Not that I'm saying it IS right, because that is just not possible to know when half of the discussion is floating on a ship halfway around the world, but what if it were?) Haven't I lived enough of my life worrying what other people think? On the other hand, The Biggest Mistake of My Life (long, horrible story...SO not going there!) happened at least in part because I was trying to live my life outside of the box, too, and look what happened then? But I can't tar every man that I meet who doesn't meet all of my carefully predetermined criteria with that a**hole's mistakes (and mine, if we're being honest), can I? Not every man who doesn't outwardly seem right for me (according to the "norms") is going to be a mean, selfish, lying jerk. I think the only litmus test that I ever plan to apply to a potential "Mr Right" is the "is he kind?" test. Basically, when facing a situation where he could do something nice for me or say something nice or, simply do nothing, or be flat-out mean which choice does he make? Don't look now, but I'm obsessing again...

To heck with it! I'm gathering my (copious amounts of) laundry and headed to the laundromat. I won't have to think there, just load and wait. I may be back later or not. How's THAT for decisive??? LOL.

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